


But I don't want anything at all if I ain't got you

by aaronmustdie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bucky and Sam are married, Each chapter is a new month btw, M/M, Male Lactation, Mentions of Abortion, Mentions of miscarriage, Modern AU, Mpreg, One Night Stand, Past Drug Addiction, Peter is like 16-17 ish and is pregnant (I might change it but for rn it gonna stay like that), Pregnant Steve, Steve is in art school, Stony - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, Teenage Pregnancy, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony is a rich ass bish, Whump, both 21 don’t worry guys, graphic birth, its set in the year 2012, like im going in F U L L detail bro, no marvel, stony is the main ship but there are a l o t of sambucky parts, superheros don't exist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2020-11-24 11:51:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20907218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaronmustdie/pseuds/aaronmustdie
Summary: (Was To be or not to be!!)PSA: this is under major construction so lot of things will change. Shit the name of the fic might change. I wouldn’t suggest reading yet, cause I’ll be adding more paragraphs to chapters that were already posted. Okay thanks.Summary: He thought about how things were before he went into the club, before he and Tony made out in his penthouse later that same night, before they exchanged numbers, before he took all the pregnancy tests, before his saw the positive sign that changed his life.Thinking again about how his life was before sends shivers down his spine.It was like he doesn’t even recognize himself anymore he has become this completely different person.In the back of his mind he knew what was causing all these changes; the baby that was currently growing under his fingertips, and for a second it gave him a sense of comfort. Thinking about the bunch of cells that will soon resemble his unborn baby still reminds him of Tony and all the pain the two might be feeling right now. Steve rubs his stomach to try push back the tears that were threatening to come out and roll down his cheeks.





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter time bro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the first chapter 🤠 bros! I’m debating if I should add a little paragraph or two about how Stony met at the party. But idk
> 
> *This chapter is finished btw

_October_

-

“Mr. Rorgers, the tests came back.” The doctor started “You’re right you are indeed pregnant, 10 weeks to be exact.” He finished then began to walk out telling him to take some time to think over what he wants. Once the doctor left the room Steve broke down in tears he couldn’t stop.

He’s pregnant with a baby, with someone’s kid. Someone who may or not be Tony Stark the head of _Stark Industries_. 

‘_What the fuck am I going to do?’ _Steve thought rubbing his semi flat stomach. 

He can’t kill it since he doesn’t have the heart to kill it, and it’s the only thing he has left of Tony. It just has to live in Steve’s insides for nine months and live with him for another 18 years, that is if he decides to keep it. 

He’s fucked. 

Somehow he made his way out of the room and decided to book his 12 week appointment since he’s 10 weeks along. This _fetus_ was living in him for 10 weeks already and he didn’t know. For a strange reason he wanted to punch himself and never wake up, and he wanted to pull over and cry. 

The doctor did warn him that his emotions will be wack as a side effect of all the new hormones. He should worry about a bunch of other things that were in some packet. Steve didn’t care he just wanted to go home and sleep for the next 9 months. So that’s what he did. Or what he tried to do. He didn’t brother changing from his work clothes. He fell right asleep for a good two hours.

Then his stomach began to growl like he hasn’t ate for years. But everything he ate made him sick. Nothing in his small apartment stood a chance to his cravings. Steve knew that eating will be a challenge but he was expecting it to be later in his pregnancy. He’s also bummed about gaining weight to the point where getting out of bed might be a fucking workout.

He’ll have to depend on his _ friends_. Shit he has to tell them. He has to tell Sam and Bucky who were trying for years. After three miscarriages the couple gave up. Bucky blames it all on himself and his age. They are older than Steve. Steve just turning 21, Bucky being 28, and Sam being 30. But what will they say especially when the father is Tony Stark? 

He wanted to cry once again. He cried himself back to sleep thinking about all the negative things they might say. 

Steve woke up later that night since his stomach literally wouldn’t shut up, and since _someone _pressed on his balder. As he used the bathroom he saw like four to five positive pregnancy tests in the trash bin near his feet. He made a mental note to dump them out later. He also thought about what the fuck he’s going to do.

After he ate what felt like ten peanut butter sandwiches he decided to call Bucky and tell him about the baby so he could beg for advice. 

The line rang for what felt like centuries. Bucky picked up his voice deeper than normal telling Steve that he woke him up. Fuck how was he supposed to know what time it was when he’s been crying over and over again that he might have to get checked into a mental hospital. 

The words he wanted to say were trapped in his throat. They were threatening to come out. 

“Buc-buck I’m fu-cked.” Those were the only words he could get out of his mouth. The tears began to form and they desperately wanted to get out of his _baby_ blue eyes so they could roll down his cheeks. 

He suddenly couldn’t control himself, his breathing was speeding up. He knew what was happening. He used to have these whenever he would relive the moment when moth-_ma _took her own life in front of him. And when he woke up from a two year coma and he knew no one, he felt alone.

But Bucky, Bucky was there this time telling him to _ breathe, calm down _ and how _ he is on his way _. 

How could he calm down when there’s a kid inside of him, and _ it _ would grow day by day, week by week. Causing his once flat belly to stretch outward. Is he just supposed to think this is normal. And let this kid fuck with everything he worked for. How is he supposed to finish college and become an art teacher? He’ll never get the chance to French kiss guys at nightclubs because he’ll be too busy catching up to the new season of _ Doc McStuffins. _Or dealing with the night feeding or making sure **he’s kid **doesn’t have a diaper rash.

He thought he didn’t want this. 

No. He can’t have this kid, he just can’t.

He was going to finish art school and graduate then he’ll teach at a school and be happy. He won’t have to keep working at the library, and live off of microwavable dinners each night. This kid will just be something that happened in the past. The other father will never find out he’s sure of it.

So when Bucky showed up at his door drenched in rain he knew what he was going to say this time. The tears that were once pouring down his blood red face stopped. He stood up from the chair he was sitting on and hugged him. 

_‘This is the right thing to do.’ _Steve thought to himself as he held onto his best friend. He was probably wet because Bucky was soaked or he because he’s covered in his own tears. Fuck maybe it could have been both. 

Finally Bucky spoke up breaking the silence. 

“So what happened punk?” Bucky asked they somehow made it back to the dinning room/living room. Sam passed Steve a blanket so he could wrap himself in and hide himself from the world.

At first Steve thought he should tell his friends about the _baby_ and about his plans. But he didn’t feel ready so he made up a lie. 

“They kicked me out of art school,” Steve began letting his friends take in what he said “they told me I wasn’t talented enough to keep going. I-I just got the email.” He took a slip of the tea that was handed to him by Sam. He tried to hide his face so they couldn’t catch on. He just needed time to think over his plan. And right now Sam and Bucky have too much on their plates so hearing Steve’s problems might be too much.

Also he wasn’t lying 100% he did get a email from the school dean telling him that if he didn’t show up for the next class then his spot will be taken away.

Their faces were something that will be ingrained into his head for the rest of the week. They both knew how important this is to Steve. Sure Sam just got into Steve’s life and from all Bucky told him, Sam knew how much of a fighter Steve is. When they were kids Bucky would fight anyone who harassed Steve and Steve would do the same for Bucky. The two were together till the end of the line nothing or no one would get in their way. 

After Bucky and Sam gave Steve a giant hug and told him how everything was going to be alright. Steve reassured them that he’ll be okay for the night and that he’ll call them if anything bad happens.

OooO

After not being able to fall back to sleep Steve prayed for the first time since his mother’s death. He begged for some type of a sign to tell him that he was doing the right thing.

”Hey uh God,” Steve thought out loud since his mother wasn’t there to tell him how it’s impolite to pray out loud. “so I know it’s been a while roughly five years jeez. But I just wanted to ask you what did I do to deserve this?” His voice cracked, tears threated to fall out of his eyes. He had to stay strong because Steve fucking Rogers is strong. 

“Look I know i’ve been a terrible person and shit-fuck sorry I didn’t mean to curse sorry. I know I don’t deserve half of the things that were thrown at me both positive and negative. Just please tell me that this is the right thing okay?” He begged to whoever is currently listening. If there was some type of God out there maybe they could send him a sign.

Steve got up from the floor so he could strip down and hop into the shower to wash away the events from today. 

Somehow his hands made it’s way back to his stomach, the place where a baby is currently growing. One that would force it’s way out of Steve and live with him for the next 18 years. Or it would live with some other family who might love it _more_ than Steve ever could. His hands shook with fear something he barely felt. Because his father told him that being scared is for cowards and_ he did not raise a coward_. Maybe that’s why he ran away and left his father with his mother who desperately wanted to leave him.

So when Steve was kicked out of the motel cause he was disturbing everyone there with how loud he was crying each night. He thought it was best to go back home. He hesitated to open the door for a while till he heard his mother cry for help. So when he walked into the door of his so called home to see his mother dangling from the chandelier. In that same living room where almost all of Steve’s birthdays were held and where Steve was caught by his father kissing another boy.   
  
The image just couldn’t leave his mind. 

Without even realizing Steve made his way back into his bedroom. He was no longer naked nor was he wet from the shower he took not that long ago. For the first time in the last week Steve found himself smiling because he truly didn’t know how this happened. And he just thought about how he’s so stupid because having this kid isn’t the end of the world. 

It all came back to him. Steve’s lips crashing onto his cherry colored lips, tan hands gripping his moist blond hair, but-it can’t be true. He told himself that it was a dream, that it could never be true. 

Cause wanting to fuck billionaire Tony Stark was something everyone wanted to do. But not everyone has the chance like Steve did, to do something that bold. Steve’s whole future is now taking a sharp left turn. And all he can do is sit back and watch it all happen. 


	2. You'll know the bottom when you hit it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof it’s almost been a month sorry! Enjoy this chapter. (Happy late Halloween, I was the guy from mean girls if anyone wanted to know.) Should I make a playlist for this fic? I made one on Spotify called "It's over" my user is "iwantyoubackyoungblood". So yeah tell me in the comments. Also this chapter isn't as deep as the first one but trust me they will get deeper and deeper real soon. If you get the Shameless reference you just gained 10000000 points okay cool on with the fic.
> 
> *This chapter is finished btw

_November_

-

Steve thought making a decision would be easy like a walk in the park, unfortunately he was wrong. Each time he would wake up way before his alarm to throw up whatever he ate which was usually bread, Sprite, or crackers. He slowly realized that this kid isn’t going away anytime soon, it was apart of him for the next nine months. There was no restart button he would live with this until his grave, even if he decided to keep it how would he hide it? Before it came out he’ll have to cover up his growing belly from Bucky, Sam, and anyone who sees him. The baby has to grow inside of Steve and then soon enough it would have to get out of Steve and see the real world, and not the one he’ll be making for it. 

He could live with it being inside of him however he couldn’t shake the fact that this baby will be out of him in a few months. He has to make a decision sooner or later no matter how much he wanted to give up. 

One thing is for sure, Tony will never find out. Because he’ll be too busy in his Hollywood world so there won’t be time or space for Steve and _ their _ baby. 

“Steve? Are you okay?” At the mention of his name he saw Bucky sitting in front of him with Sam’s arm wrapped around his shoulders. Each of them had some type of beverage in a different colored mug. He can’t even remember what he got and it terrifies him.

_ ‘Why am I here?’ _Steve thought looking around the small cafe. They were seated at some type of booth thing the room was painted a turquoise, it felt calm. That helped to calm his nerves and his pounding heart.

But it still didn’t change the fact about what's on his mind.

_ That there's a baby currently growing inside of him that he’s going to see today. _And the fact how he still doesn’t have a concrete plan. He felt like a ticking time bomb that will literally blow up any minute, knocking out everything around him.

“Hey earth to Steve!” Sam removed his arm from Bucky so he could wave in Steve’s direction. How long was he zoning out? It was like his brain was filled with cotton. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, and it definitely wasn’t quiet.

“Yeah I’m here what?” He finally answers watching Bucky take a slip from his cup.

“Finish what you were saying _ babe _.” Sam Instructed rubbing circles on Bucky’s back. Bucky nodded and looks at Steve who, became worried and curious.

“We finally got the clearance to adopt these twins from Serbia!” Bucky couldn’t hold back his toothy smile.

He actually looked happy for once, like it wasn’t forced. Steve didn’t know if he should be happy for them or jealous since they have a plan. He puts on a fake smile so the couple wouldn’t be able to catch onto Steve’s thoughts._ Why is he so scared? _

These are his two and only friends. The words formed in his mind but they couldn’t get out and leave his mouth.

Steve’s phone began to ring causing Sam and Bucky to freeze, pausing their story.

** _‘Reminder: Ultrasound @ 12:40. current time: 1:50. Address: 6734 south drive’_ **

“Everything alright Steve?” Bucky asked watching Steve’s face fall. He didn’t say anything. Steve grabbed his jacket from his lap and pulled out a twenty dollar bill so he could walk out.

When he stepped outside he was greeted by the crisp November air. The slight breeze reminded him to zip up his jacket. With a bit of force the zipper made it’s way all the way up to his chest.

He knew New York like the back of his hand since he was born and raised here. Steve made his way to the subway he didn’t turn around once to look back into the restaurant where he left Bucky and Sam. When he made his way into the train he took his headphones out to try shut up his thoughts. And to try and forget about what happened today and what he’s gonna see. 

**OooO**

Once the nurse poured out the cold greenish blue gel onto Steve’s toned stomach. Steve wanted to look away, he didn’t want to see the thing growing inside of him. He just wanted to go home and hide under his blanket for the next few months. 

“And there is your baby.” the same nurse exclaimed watching Steve’s open his eyes. What he saw wasn’t what he ever dreamed of. All the movies he saw didn’t prepare him for the moment. He thought it would look more like a baby and less like a alien. It’s head is bigger than the rest of its body. The hands and legs looked more like something Stephen King wrote. 

He pushed back all the negative thoughts and all the criticism. Their future is the only thoughts he had. He thought about what _she_ might look like. Maybe she’ll have blond hair like Steve, or maybe she’ll have brown hair like _ Tony _. 

_ ‘Please let her-or him look just like Tony.’ _

Suddenly there was a loud thumping sound that filled the room. 

“It’s kind of early to hear the heartbeat, lucky you.” 

“Yeah lucky me.” Steve smiled as he still looked at the tv that’s currently giving him live footage of his baby. 

The nurse gave Steve a napkin to clean off all the shit on his stomach. He couldn’t get the smile off his face as he did so. He just felt a rush of many different emotions at the same time. 

Damn hormones. 

Once he changed back into his jeans(that still fit him) and button up shirt Steve made his way towards the desk to pick up his pictures and schedule his next appointment. Now that the first trimester is over he’ll finally be able to stop throwing up every morning before work. The baby will look more like a baby, and Steve can find out the gender. He felt his heart beat faster at the thought of naming his baby and buying all the necessary Items for it. 

**OooO**

At a very young age Tony learned that if you want anything you have to work for it. Nothing will be handed to you, you’re going to have to work for it.

No matter what. 

“Trouble in paradise Mr. Stark?” 

“You can say that JJ.” Tony took another slip of his whisky and continued typing away on his computer. He needed to find him again and see his smile and hear his voice just one more time. 

“What seems to be the problem, perhaps I can help.” The AI’s voice got closer, Tony sighed silently wishing that this process can go by quicker. 

It’s been weeks(two months to be exact) since he last _ touched _ and _ saw Steven Grant Rogers, _ and yes Tony is that only one who calls Steve by his full name. Everyday since their encounter Tony kept texting and calling Steve hoping all his voicemails and cheesy jokes(or as Tony liked to call them; memes) would get to him. And maybe just fucking maybe he’ll answer him so they could both rest. 

“So J, I met this guy at some bar. And after we talked for a bit we ended up coming back here to have some sex great and wonderful, wet, hot sex.” Tony rumbles “And I got his number so we could text and shit. We were doing that for weeks but suddenly he ghosted me.” He stops to take a deep breath so he won’t have a panic attack. “Also he doesn’t have any social media, I know this cause I hacked every single site and looked him up. And nothing came up. Although there was a old twitter account that was called 'MayStevesuckursass' but I don't think that my Steve. So what should I do now?” His voice sounded weak, it showed how fragile he is how and he could break any second. This has turned him into a different person. Which resulted in him not starting for finishing any projects, so that caused Pepper to fix all the shit Tony did and didn’t do.

“I just want to find him Jarvis and tell him how I feel.” Tony admits covering his face in his hands.

“And you will Master Stark.” Those words gave him a bit of hope but he didn’t want to believe him. Because what if he never finds Steve? What if Steve is purposely ignoring him. Does Steve not feel the same way? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long ass wait I already started on the next chapter so hopefully it won't take as long as these did. Okay have a great night or day (happy early thanksgiving if you celebrate it!) btw i have no idea how to get rid of the big ass gap at the bottom so ignore it pls thanks.


	3. The ribbon on my wrist says ‘do not open before Christmas’.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some Christmas shit send tweet :p 
> 
> !mentions of abuse!
> 
> !Use of drugs! 
> 
> Tons of Sambucky!
> 
> !Minor sex scene! NSFW or smut whatever you kids are calling it these days.
> 
> *This chapter is finished btw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, my phone wasn’t working so all my notes got deleted. So i’m rewriting the new few chapters from memory. Happy holidays btw! (Let’s pretend I posted this on Christmas) I’m already working on chapter 4!

_December_

-

This year already felt so  _different_ . Bucky and Sam are too busy to make plans, which isn’t like them. Normally they are both more than comfortable to let Steve come over at 4am to vent or eat some food. But Steve told himself that they were preparing for a baby, (something he should be doing as well) actually for two babies. So it wasn’t as easy to  stick to their normal plans. 

Steve never took sick days, he rarely missed work or left early. And that remains the same when holidays rolled around.

Steve could have easily get out of working on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. He could have called Sam and Bucky telling then that he going back to change. They would go to some restaurant with Sam and Bucky later. The three would spend hours at a restaurant to catch up with each other. Ever since Steve was in high school, the two were always trying for a baby. So each year they would make some lame excuse and head home leaving Steve alone for rest of the night. 

He could also easily explain to his boss and he’ll get sent home to calm his racing heart. 

As a matter of fact no one knows decides his doctor and that one lady at the cash register. When he bought the whole goddamn self of pregnancy tests. So literally no one knows. And maybe telling his boss this might have been a good idea. The chance was right there too all he had to say were two simple and short words. 

But he didn’t. And that ate him up inside.

_‘This would be so much easier if Bucky was pregnant as well.’ _ Steve thought as he walks around with a cart that’s filled with books, he probably read every one of them. But thinking about reading any of them right now sends shivers down his spine.

Reading was something Steve did whenever he wasn’t busy with college or when Bucky and Sam were too wasted to hang out with a sober Steve. But now that he’s no longer in school, and his friends are busy preparing for their baby’(s) arrival. He just couldn’t get back into it, he just isn’t the same person he was a year ago.

A year ago he was a twenty year old art student who was barely financially surviving. Who also became a taxi driver to his friends, he would drop and pick them up from clubs. As they were all drinking and dancing their so called  _problems_ away. Steve would hang out in his car alone either reading a new book or studying for a upcoming test the following day or week.

Ever since high school Steve felt the urge to be the very best, he had to  be the top of the class. If he fell behind just a bit his father would make effects of him failing into in marks that ended up all over his body. He would remind himself that he is not longer the vulnerable and pathetic teenager, and that he no longer has to prove himself to his father. Steve’s an adult now there’s no reason for him to still have the desire to be prefect. 

It’s what kept him sane for all those years, well that and running. Now that those two things are gone what is he supposed to do? He can’t go back to class since he was officially kicked out. Even if he could how is he supposed to deal with being sick while being in class. 

He thought about how things were  _before_ he went into the club,  _before_ he and Tony made out in his penthouse later that same night,  _before_ they exchanged numbers,  _before_ he took all the pregnancy tests,  _before_ his saw the positive sign that changed his life. 

Thinking again about how his life was before sends shivers down his spine.

It was like he doesn’t even recognize himself anymore he has become this completely different person. 

In the back of his mind he knew what was causing all these changes; the baby that was currently growing under his fingertips, and for a second it gave him a sense of comfort. Thinking about the bunch of cells that will soon resemble his unborn baby still reminds him of  _Tony_ and all the pain the two might be feeling right now. Steve rubs his stomach to try push back the tears that were threatening to come out and roll down his cheeks. He began to think about all the positives, and what his life would be with a newborn.

It helped him forget for a bit. 

**OoO**

When his shift was over Steve took his some train home, just like he did every day. Once he got off at his stop he began to walk home. As he was walking sweat began to form all over his face, making him hot all over. It reminded him of the days where he would get up at the crack of dawn to run around the same track. He looked down at the phone in his hands and saw the time. 

He desperately fought the urge to walk the familiar route and run a few laps around the track. Steve could still feel the early morning cool air brush against his already moist skin. 

When he was running Steve forgot about the world around him all his worries were forgotten in the wind. When he was in high school Steve would go to any park he could find, and run a bit. It helped him to forget about his dad and all the crap he puts him through. 

He would pay anything to have the chance to run at least one lap, to feel his lungs burn with each breath he took, to look around him and see the sun rise up coloring the sky. He closed his eyes for a second and thought it over but when he opened his eyes he saw his apartment in view Steve pushed down his desires. 

“Maybe another day.” Steve said out loud as he looks for his house keys. The second he walked in and saw the sofa he wanted nothing more than to sleep even if it was for two seconds. When his head hit the cushions he fell asleep right away totally forgetting that it was Christmas Eve. 

**OoO**

“Buck are you sure going to his house is the right thing?” Sam asks as he drove the two to Steve’s. Bucky didn’t reply right away he was too distracted with something that was happening outside his window. Sam leaned to be patient with him, knowing that rushing him would only make things worse. Early into their relationship in high school Sam learned things about Bucky that no one knew, not even Steve his best friend; His favorite ice cream is pistachio, he is actually a excellent juggler, and for a guy who had a short temper he enjoys spending time with kids. 

That’s a topic Sam is meaning to bring up again but for now he’s perfectly content with seeing Bucky’s eyes grow wide from seeing the snow for one of the first times.

When they finally arrived at Steve’s apartment Sam spoke up. 

“Remind me one more time why we are showing up to Steve’s house uninvited? Isn’t he home?” That comment caused Bucky to roll his eyes but then he remembered not everyone knows Steve like he knows him. 

“Sam we haven’t talked to Steve since we went to that cafe about a month ago. I’m worried okay. Also it’s currently,” he paused to look at his watch “3:37 which means he’s taking his afternoon run down at the track at our old high school. So the house is empty.” He began to look around the small pouch leaving Sam to stand there.

“What are you doing now Barnes?” Sam asks while Bucky continues to frantically around the small space. 

“For the spare key to open the door. Steve normally leaves one around for situations like this.” Bucky answers 

“Don’t you have your own?” Sam asks and Bucky nods not giving him a answer right away too focused on looking for the key. 

“Yeah obviously Sherlock, I left it in my desk back at work.”  Bucky’s voice slowly grew irritated with each question Sam was asking. He tried to remind himself that Sam can’t read his mind and that he’s probably really confused at the moment. 

_‘Classic Bucky’ _ Sam thinks as a uncomfortable silence began to form. 

“Found it!” Bucky said shoving the small rusting gold key to Sam with a huge smirk on his face. Before Bucky tested out the key Sam turned the knob making the door open. Bucky rolls his eyes and walked passed Sam dropping the key on the ground before steeping in. 

“I didn’t mean to rain on your parade Barnes!” Sam walks in after him completely forgetting about using a indoor voice. 

“Sam shut up and look.” Bucky points to the large lump on the couch that is supposed to be Steve. 

“Well it looks like he missed his afternoon run, problem solved. Let’s go home Buck if we leave now then we can a  Gilmore girls marathon before I have to open the shop.” Sam says gesturing towards the door gently pulling Bucky by his prosthetic arm.

“Steve would never miss a run something’s is up Sam, I can feel it.” His voice shook with anxiety now it’s Sam’s turn to worry. Although Sam couldn’t see Bucky’s expressions since his hair was already passed his shoulders, he knew what his face looked. Sam then reached for his flesh hand and made a new mental note;_ ‘remind Bucky to get a trim he looks fucking homeless.’ _

“James,” before Sam could even tell a joke he saw that Bucky already began to smile. Bucky hates it whenever anyone calls him James because it reminds him of his family and his childhood and the pain he felt growing up. But when Sam would say it Bucky couldn’t help but smile uncontrollably and feel his heart beat faster. He never voiced these things to Sam unless he was drunk as hell or if Sam confesses something romantic. If he did Sam would end up hugging and smothering him in kisses saying things like; _‘_ _I love you you big loser’ or ‘aw the big bad wolf truly does have a heart!’_

“I’m sure Steve is alright he’ll tell us if something is up. We’re literally the only people he talks to remember?” Bucky nods making eye contact with Sam’s brown eyes. They began a whole make out session totally forgetting that Steve is sleeping only a feet away. Sam pulled away first since he remembers where they are. 

“I guess you’re right Samuel.” Bucky answers back seeing Sam roll his eyes. 

“And you have to ruin the moment Barnes!” Sam whisper yelled  causing Bucky to laugh a bit. 

“Come on let’s go, he’s fine I’m sure today was a long day. We can stop by some other day. But for now let’s go home I heard there’s this new show that just showed up to  Netflix . 

“You read my mind.”

**OoO**

Steve woke up a couple hours later to pain in his upper chest and to his stomach growling again. He got up and walked to the bathroom to wash up. As he was brushing his teeth he realized that he was still in his work clothes. Before he left the bathroom to go change he saw his reflection in the mirror. Steve’s face was normally pale ever since he was a kid, he tried to get a tan about a million times but it never works. He was also bullied for his power white competition, Sam and Bucky even makes jokes about it too. But looking at his face now made him criticize himself.

Other than his sickly pale face he noticed the dark bags growing under his eyes. Steve hasn’t been getting sleep for weeks now, however it wasn’t like he sleeps anyways. He’s the type of guy who stays up all night and then falls asleep two minutes before his alarm. Coffee and running kept him awake during the day.

Shit he can’t drink coffee anymore. That’s a thought for another day. Right now Steve should change into something that says _‘Hey I know it’s been three almost four months, but i’m pregnant. And I might have to quit and get another job. Yeah.’ _ He thought about all the possible outfit combinations. 

‘_Jeans and t-shirt with sneakers?’_

_‘A polo with dress pants?’ _

_‘Jeans with a hoodie?’_

_‘Fuck it, I’m wearing jeans with a random t-shirt.’_ Steve thought reaching for the outfit he planned in his head.

As he began to put on the t-shirt he looks up to the window and sees snow began to fall.

“Well shit I can’t wear this, maybe that one sweater is a better choice.” He says and removes the shirt that was once censoring his upper body. 

When he took off the shirt to put on the new one he saw a small curve in the mirror near his lower stomach where his abs used to lay. It was no bigger than a couple of centimeters, like half the size of a golf ball. He could easily hide it for a couple more days. It was just the thought that the baby was makingphysical changes in his body that scared him. Also this means that the baby was finally making an appearance and Tony wasn’t there with him, Steve is  _alone_ . 

Obviously Steve knew that the bump, (well in his case it was more like a curve) could would eventually start showing, revealing his pregnancy to the world and that same world included  _Tony_ .

But he wasn’t prepared for how fast his bump began to show. He only knew about this kid for like a month that isn’t enough time to let the idea stick. He held the little bump with one hand then he imagined the same image but the bump was a bit bigger so he had to hold it with two hands. He stood there with only his boxers on for a couple of minutes. Until he saw the time on his table.

“Shit! I’m going to be late for work!” Steve got dressed a bit more quickly, a little too fast triggering his morning sickness. He had to stop for a second to breathe the wave of sickness passed.

“Thanks kid.” he thanked his stomach one more time, he walked out his house and began walking to the train station. The fresh cool air helped ease his sick stomach.

While on the train the image of him in his boxers standing in front of his mirror, clutching his bump still flashed in his mind. It stayed ingrained in his mind while some music played. The song  _‘I wanna know what love is’ _ begins to play. Steve rememberers hearing this song as Tony guided him through the penthouse. 

_Tony put his hand on Steve’s hips pulling him closer to Tony closing the gap the used to lay between them. That caused Steve to look up into Tony’s dark brown eyes, his breath hitched as Tony got closer to Steve’s lips. They kiss and the chorus of the song hits. As they are kissing Steve felt Tony’s tongue press against his lips. Steve let it happen feeling content hearing Tony’s eagerly cry for Steve to open his mouth letting their tongues touch. After seconds of hearing more cries Steve opens his mouth letting Tony in. _

_A couple more seconds pass and Tony finally pulls away first causing Steve to frown as the make out was put to a stop _

_“I’m a human I need to breathe Rogers.” Tony answers in response to Steve’s facial expressions. _

_”I’m a human too but that’s not excuse for being weak. Like you Stark.” Steve teases _

_“You’re mad Steve.” Steve smiles feeling Tony drag him into another room._

_Things got more serious once they got into the room. _

Steve thought about Tony and what he might be doing right now. From what Steve could remember Tony had told him that night when they were dancing way too close together; Tony was never alone, girls and guys were always trying to get near him, and Tony fucks with all of them and forgets about them the next day. On Tony’s part he was always drunk as hell. When the two met Steve rememberers watching him do a line of coke near the VIP table and take a shot immediately after. It wasn’t seeing Tony get high from across the venue, or hear him whisper sweet nothings in other girl’s ears. It was that Stevemeant nothing to him, he just used him for the sex. He probably hooked up with someone minutes after Steve and probably the next day.

Tony also told Steve that he had a private jet but that was probably just to flex.

Steve is  _alone_ and pregnant with Tony Stark’s kid, and Tony is currently across New York fucking other guys and possibly other girls. It hurt to know that Tony doesn’t care about him.

Steve did attempt to think about other things like; what excuse he’ll use when Sam or Bucky asks why he ran out of the restaurant. He couldn’t blame it on college since he already used that excuse.

He’ll think of something since he has to tell them sooner or later. But for right now he focused on what he’s going to tell his boss. 


	4. I don’t wanna go where you don’t follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this might be confusing sorry. Iron man or any of the avengers do not exist. Steve is a art student who lives in Brooklyn. And Tony is a billionaire who lives in Staten Island. But like Jarvis exists, idk this fic is such a mess a h. Idk how New York works I been once and it was to uptown Manhattan. So if anyone lives or is familiar with New York plz contact me, I need the help. So yeah thanks.
> 
> *This chapter is finished btw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh...hi...😳
> 
> TW; mentions of drugs, alcohol, abuse, and sad Tony 😔
> 
> Say hello to another character! :))

_January_

-

People in their early twenties normally are finishing their fourth and (for some) final year of college. So that means when the weekend rolls around some of them are going out to parties, obviously to get drunk or high. Some would get  _so _wasted that they forget that they have a middle name or that they have a lecture early the next day. While the rest of the  _sane_ students were locked up in theirdorms listening to some classical musiccause they were told that it enhancestheir studying abilities.

News flash, it doesn’t.

Tony doesn’t know where he falls intosince he grew up in wealth which meant that everything was done for him. So he could go out and party at foul hours of the night so he could diminish his body drink by drink. It’s not his fault that he is a twenty-one year old and is the legal age to drink. Although he was already going out way before before his eighteenth birthday, perks of being _the_ son ofHoward Stark. Tony doesn’t usually use the “I’m the son of billionaire Howard Stark, owner of  _Stark Industries.” _card because he never wants to be associated with Howard but tonight was a special occasion.

Tony just got back from the funeral of his beloved butler, Jarvis. The death of Jarvis is definitely a traumatic one on Tony’s behalf. He was closer to him more than everyone in his home and at the company. When Howard got resentful towards Tony and decided to be violent, Jarvis was there minutes after all of Howard’s episodes so he could clean his wounds or to cook him his first meal in days. It makes sense to Tony that drinking colorful cocktails while girls danced on him was the solution to all the grief he’s feeling right now.

He never told a soul about the things Howard did, or what he used to do. He no longer did that since he crashed in ‘09 along side his mother. It was a sad time for Tony, not just because his parents were killed of course. It was because the second Tony heard the news, articles came out and the press came banging at his house and at the lab. Tony was forced to take on his dad’s legacy. At just nineteen Tony had to drop whatever plans he had in life so he can become Tony Stark the son of Howard and Maria Stark, the sole owner of  _Stark Industries_. Tony (who legally changed his name from Antony Edward Stark to just Tony Stark) was stuck in his house he swore he would be out of, surrounded by all the paintings that reminded him of his mother. Since she always complained how lonely the walls were. So she invested in taking a four year long class just to end up painting two. The rest were ones Tony got for all of her birthdays. Each one brings back a painful memory-but overall It was a big change. 

Normally when he’s in this mood he calls Pepper or Rodey to warn them, they would show up mintues later to ask one question when they see Tony inside ‘What the fuck is it _this_ time Tony?’ 

He waited for them for hours spending more money on drinks to kill time. It wasn’t till three AM did Tony realized that they are not coming. Tony opens his phone to see the ‘no signal’ in the upper left side of his screen. 

Tony who was more than tipsy walked towards the back of the club where only employees were told to exit and or enter. So he could try and get a better reception.

Tony opened his contacts and was greeted by Steve’s contact information. As he hovers over his name Tony sees Steve’s profile picture. It was the picture Steve made him take of him at the bar the night they met. The flash of Tony’s camera caused Steve’s crystal blue eyes to turn a light red. The flash also outlines his perfect face, like there was nothing wrong with him. No wrinkles, no big warts or funny birthmarks, nothing that would make him seem imperfect. Since Tony took the picture off guard Steve had this huge toothy smile, his pale face was covered in a thin layer of sweat causing his blond hair to stick to his face. Tony’s hand was seen in the picture holding onto probably his twentieth drink. He remembers Steve asking if he could try some. Tony can still picture seeing Steve hide back a couple coughs since the drink was way to strong for him. 

It was a bittersweet moment, but it was short lived since he realized that Steve hasn’t texted him back in months. It hurt to remember how exited Steve looked when Tony asked if he wanted to go for a helicopter ride, Steve held onto Tony’s free hand all through the night. 

“Get away from me, you’re drunk.” A young voice called out snapping Tony out of his thoughts. Tony stands straight or at least tries to, and then squints his eyes to try and focus on what he thinks are two people. The one guy was gripping the other guy’s hips was getting shoved by the shorter one. Tony rolls his eyes and began to walk to the parking lot. As Tony walks away the boy’s shouts got lower and grunts were heard as well. 

“Wade I had enough! Get away from me!” 

“No...you are all mine you hear me? The both of yahs.” 

“Look we’re done, i’m leaving tonight I don’t care what you have to say. I gave you millions of chances you keep blowing them. I can’t keep doing this. Fuck o-“ Before he could finish his sentence Wade slapped him. 

“Pete don’t ever fucking talk to me like that ever again. Fucking got it?” Peter nods holding onto his cheek. Wade grabs his shoulders and shakes him

“I said got it?” Wade asks again this time a bit louder. 

“Yes Wade. I understand.” Peter answers quickly since he doesn’t want Wade to hit him.

”That’s my boy. Let’s get you two inside huh?” Peter nods again as Wade holds onto his shoulders so he could walk them into the club. Before they could go through the door Tony comes up and punches Wade right in nose. Wade ends up on the pavement causing Peter to look down at Wade who’s gripping his nose.

”Well look at that Kid. I guess you’re free to go home.” Tony says hearing Wade groan while Peter stands there speechless not knowing what to do. 

Tong grips his hand that has some blood on it. He feels the familiar pain in his knuckles as a bruise begins to form. Tony walks away from the scene already feeling sober.

“Thanks uh,” Peter calls out at Tony who was swaying side to side. It takes Peter a second to realize who he was. “Holy shit aren’t you Tony Stark?” Tony smiles already knowing what might happen.

”Yeah that’s me kid, do you want a autograph or something?” Now it’s Peter’s turn to smile

”Oh God no.” Peter laughs watching Tony’s face fall

”Holy shit not like that, sorry.” Peter apologizes “it’s just I wanted to say thank you.” Peter points to Wade who has stopped groaning. Tony notices the silence. Peter sees Tony stare at Wade.

”He’s okay by the way.”

”Is he dead?” Tony asks

”Fuck no!” Peter laughs again. “He just passed out. He’s way passed drunk so when you punched him it was like the icing on the cake.”

”Will he be alright though?” Tony tries to show at least a bit of sympathy.

“Yeah the guys from the bar knows him. So they might pick him up and drop he off at the house. Shit how will I get home?” Peter freaks out

”I could call you a Uber or whatever they’re called.” Tony answers “And book you a hotel for a couple weeks till you get back up on your feet?” Tony turns away to walk to his car. Peter looks one more time at Wade and at Tony who’s walking a bit too fast. Peter quickly bends down and digs in Wade’s pockets to find his wallet and keys. Peter takes all the cash and the key. 

“Goodbye asshole.” Peter runs towards Tony. “Mr. Stark wait up!” 

**OoO**

Ever since Steve told his boss about his pregnancy business has been slow, or it’s been quiet. He doesn’t think Nick (“call me Fury Steve.”) would tell any of his other coworkers. He couldn’t help but grow suspicious when no one talked to him all day so something was definitely up. When he went for lunch break he saw Natasha standing outside the entrance. Steve just zipped up his new coat since (that fit perfectly around his now prominent bump) it’s now January and the leftovers of December were still lingering around the streets. When Natasha noticed Steve she then put out her cigarette so she could make her way towards Steve.

“Hiya Steven.” Steve rolls his eyes since he thought he would be left alone. He doesn’t feel bad since she can’t still his expression with his back facing her. 

”Hey Nat how are you?” Steve eventually turns around to face her. He tries his best to mask the annoyance in his voice.

“I’m doing good, I actually just put my two weeks notice.” She said it without a bit of remorse “your girl is finally moving on with her life!” 

_Imagine _ _that_. 

Steve wishes he had as much freedom as she did. Right now Steve is a pregnant guy working at a library that’s probably as old as his grandparents. While miss I-do-whatever-the-fuck-I-want gets to quit her job since she’s able to just pack up get one suitcase. It must be nice to have that pillow, of just worrying about one person. 

“That’s great.” He tries to sound a little happy but his feelings gets in the way. This time she notices the hurt in his tone. 

“Hey it’s gonna be alright blondie. I’ll still be here in this _state! I_f you really miss me then just give me a call.” She hands him a business card, a fucking business card for _‘nat’s cosmetics and entertainment’._ Her phone number and bio are on the paper light card. It’s a nice pastel pink with flowers along the sides.

Without it crossing his mind Steve’s free hand makes it’s way on top of his stomach. Natasha doesn’t seem to notice since she’s digging around in her purse for something. 

“Holy shit Steve I totally forgot to give you this as well.” She hands him a white envelope there’s two words written in cursive on the front;_ ‘Clint and Natasha’_

Wow holy crap. Guess the thing she had with that guy in high school is all in the past.

“What’s this?” Steve asks although knows what it is but doesn’t want to come to the terms of reality. He opens it before she could give Steve an answer. “A wedding for you and Barton?” She hums and begins to play with her hair. 

“Yeah we both wanted to get married soon but the weather is so nasty right now. So Clint wanted us to wait till spring so it would be perfect.”

”I take it that you’re over Bruce?” Steve asks suddenly remembering senior prom when she came over his house because Bruce stood her up. He remembers Bruce pulling up at his driveway later that night. Natasha and him ended up having a heated argument waking up the neighbors. She even punched Bruce causing Steve to come outside and pull the two apart. 

”To be honest I forgot about that kid, high school was centuries ago Steve.” 

“Haha we’re so old.” Steve joked getting a soft laugh from Natasha.

‘**You are invited to the wedding of Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff’ ** **Date: May 29 Time: 8:00pm’ **

There’s something about that date that reminds Steve of someone. What’s so special about that date? Could it be something to do with Sam and Bucky, or was it something personal? 

Crap. 

”Is there something wrong?” Natasha asks seeing Steve stand there tears swelling in his eyes.

”Oh God no!” Steve begins “It’s just I feel like I already planed to do something on this date too. So I don’t know if I can’t make it.” He held back from crying again. 

He was going to miss his friend’s wedding cause he might go have a baby. 

“It’s fine Steve I understand, this is kind of sudden. Not even my sister called back yet. You have time don’t sweat it.” She confessed.

“Okay I suppose you’re right.” They nod and say their goodbyes, going two different ways. 

He was going to have a lot to think about.

**OoO**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super long wait! Should I made a couple paragraphs for Natasha or.. Also pretend I posted this in January:P and. i’m Sorry for not posting for like two months. Life got in the way, I don’t wanna put all my personal information but i’ve Been struggling with my mental health. And it’s just soooo hard to write sometimes but I try so hard. Hopefully i’ll add some more to this sometime this week! 🤞 happy Valentine’s Day


	5. I'd end my days with you, in a hail of bullets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey again...🙈🙈
> 
> Also my birthday is on Tuesday! So think of this chapter being my gift to you all!! Also thank u for 1012 hits! That’s the most I ever got on a fic! (3/03)
> 
> *This chapter is finished

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love Steve if you couldn’t tell🥰! I really have to stop using so many emojis and exclamation points lol. Super short cause I want to post this before feb ends. I’ll add more later but for now imma sleep.

_February_

-

All the tests plied on top of each other week by week. It was annoying at times hearing the same things over and over again.  _‘The risks of this pregnancy are very high.’ _ Or_‘Mr. Rogers we have __to keep a close eye and keep a monitor__ on you and your baby.’_ Steve knew what the risks were but that doesn’t mean he forgets them. He knew after/during each monthly appointment his doctor could say something that will change his kid’s life. He just hoped that nothing happened and had the baby didn’t take after Steve.

When he was a kid Steve was in and out the hospital. The doctors told his mother that Steve will never get better, and that she should just give up. Because things will be so much easier and they’ll be stress free. Like the bills would be lower, and she wouldn’t have to work three jobs just to keep up with his father’s drinking habits. 

But she didn’t not once. And that is how Steve will be towards his baby. Even if this kid grew up like Steve, he would make all the doctor visits so they could all monitor his kid’s health. He’ll do anything for this kid, even if that meant giving up his life. 

“Well would you look at that,” The nurse moves closer to screen double checking what she sees is true. 

“Is everything alright with my baby?” Steve starts to worry thinking about what was wrong. Everything was going alright, he was taking his daily medication and taking care of his diet. Nothing should be wrong, right? But then the thought of the baby getting one of Steve’s issues began to fill Steve’s mind. 

“I’m sure everything is fine. I’m not trained for this sir. I’m going to get someone of a higher level to check this over.” She tells Steve and then quickly turns off the ultrasound machine. She walks out leaving Steve alone with the gel still spread on his stomach. The agonizing silence makes the tears fall down Steve’s cheeks. 

Not even a minute later do two more nurses and the same one from earlier walk in. Then a younger lady wearing a lab coat walks in after. They all crowd around the machine, the lady in a lab coat pulls out the ultrasound wand and moves it around Steve’s stomach. 

“Is something wrong with my baby ma’am? Steve finds his voice when an uncomfortable silence falls in the room. 

“No nothing is wrong Mr. Rogers, your baby is fine.”  She tells Steve “These nurses are currently in training. They didn’t learn how to tell the gender yet. So they were just shocked to see that your child’s lower area has fully developed.” Steve sighs releasing the breath he didn’t know that he was holding in. 

“The doctor will be with you shortly. You may change into your clothing now.” Steve nods, relief washing over him. When the nurses let the room Steve got up from the exam table and went into the bathroom to wipe away the now warm gel off. As he changes he feels a kick under his belly button. It brings a smile to his face realizing that he’s about to find out the gender of his baby that he’s been carrying around for five months. 

When he finishes changing from the hospital grown to his work clothes. Since he has a shift after his appointment. 

A light knock is heard from the door. He makes his way towards the exam table. 

”Come in!” Steve sits up straight on the exam table. 

“Hello Steve, how are things this week? Taking it easy I hope?” The older man makes his way towards the wall on Steve’s left. He pulls out a pair of gloves putting them on and then pulls the stool out from under the wooden desk. 

“Yeah everything is alright. The morning sickness has gone away, but the swelling has began.” 

“Oh yes the feet swelling is a pain in the ass but you’ll live.” Steve smiles at his response. “Now let’s double check your baby, that sounds good?” 

“Yeah.” 

The doctor asks Steve standard pregnancy questions and weights him making sure everything is all good. They go over the birth pain again.

”So correct if i’m wrong,” Doctor Maine begins “but you want a natural birth, no c-section?” 

“Yes you are correct I do not want a c-section. Because I know this will be my one and only child so why not go all out.” Steve looks down at his protruding stomach feeling more kicks. 

“If that’s  what you desire then it’s alright by me.” Doctor Maine tells him as he pulls out the ultrasound machine. Steve thinks about how the birth might turn out, and if his decision is right. 

Fuck it. It’s not like he can ask anyone or if he has anyone to take him to the appointment. It seems appropriate to do this his way since he’s already doing all the work. The pain he feels now is only temporary but the love he’s feel after he gives birth will be worth it. When he hold his baby for the first time, alone. Just him and the baby in his arms. 

No Tony. 

Just Steve and only Steve. 

“Would you like to know the gender?” Doctor Maine’s voice pulled Steve out of his deep thinking.

It took a couple seconds for Steve to reply. 

“Uh..yes please.” Steve could hear his heart beat in his ears as he watched his doctor move the wand around his round stomach.  He tried to focus on the screen and try to figure the gender before him, but it was so hard.

The thought of knowing the baby’s gender felt so final. Like obviously Steve has all the information his needs to know this is all true, shit he could just look at his stomach and know it’s reality. But now he could narrow down all the possible names and plan out all the designs for the nursery. 

“Sorry for the wait, _she_ didn’t want to stay still.” Doctor Maine finally answers making eye contact with Steve’s shinny blue eyes 

“Sorry-did you say she? As in female?”

”Yes, if you would look right here.” He points to part on frozen  ultrasound giving Steve all the confirmation he needs.

”Holy shit i’m having a girl fuck.” Tears begin running out of his eyes quick enough that he doesn’t have time to wipe them away. 

“Congratulations, it’s alright.” The doctor gets up and hands him a couple napkins to wipe away the gel and the tears that still haven’t stopped falling. All he can do is nod to all the remaining questions he had. 

“A girl, a fucking _daughter, _you’re a girl. I knew it!” Steve rubs his stomach a bit when he’s finally alone. He smiles and walks out to go print out the photos. Causing Steve’s smile to grow double in size.

A beautiful daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok another short one sorry 😔
> 
> But happy early birthday to me!! Ok happy leap year!
> 
> Also if u couldn’t tell all my titles are from mcr or fob songs. idk if anyone caught that. I’m like a HUGE fan of mcr and fob(mainly mcr). So if anyone likes them pls comment below! I’ll give u my Instagram.


	6. You can run away with me anytime you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really triggering, and I literally cried writing this. I recommend listening to “no, the moon” by teen suicide if u really want to cry. 
> 
> -blood  
-passing out  
-hospital  
-fighting  
-teenage pregnancy + birth
> 
> *This is the longest chapter, and this one is finished btw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the tags if u want to be safe and not get triggered. I hate writing sad Steve, and sad Tony but it has to be done sorry. I’ll be adding more tonight don’t worry brb. I just wanted to post this now before I forget.
> 
> I updated pls read over thanks.

_March_

-

The next few weeks were the same, nothing was different. The only thing that changed was the size of Steve’s bump, and the movements she made. She would kick whenever Steve felt his bump. Or whenever company was around since the attention wasn’t on her.  She seemed to recognize the voices Steve was around but her favorite will always be  Steve’s.

“You’re total will be $19.11 sir.” The cashier called out to Steve who was zoning out again.

“Oh yeah right here you are.” He  took out his  wallet from his hoodie pocket pulling out his card.

”You zoned out again sir.” He points  out watching Steve type in his pin code 

“Yeah I've been doing lots of deep thinking Scott.” Steve smiles taking back his card. Scott then hands his his bags along with a few coupons. 

“Have a great day Steve!” Scott called to Steve on his way out. He smiled back before he exited the shopping center. It felt nice to get out of the house once and a while. But it sometimes hurt to be on his feet for too long since the bump underneath his clothes was currently growing rapidly. It did make him happy since he’ll be able to hold his baby soon. But that reminded him of his friends and of Tony. Steve's proud to say that Tony hasn't been taking up too much his thoughts. Since his baby is taking up all his time, and preparing for a baby when you're six almost seven months isn't exactly easy. 

Telling Bucky and Sam would help ease the stress and maybe for the first time in months Steve could breathe easy. But he didn't have any courage. 

“Well baby girl we need to tell your uncles soon,” Steve began talking to his stomach once he got back into his car “cause I only have three months until you get here.” She kicks again since she could feel Steve’s stress, and guilt pursing through his body. 

Steve knows he's gonna dread the day she's born. Sure he sounds a bit selfish and it's unlike him to think like that. But he can't help it. Having this baby will change him he hasn't decided if it's for better or for worse. Steve knows she can't read his thoughts even if she's inside of him, so lying about how he feels seems like a better approach. 

“Yeah I don’t want you to leave my tummy either, but then we’ll be together. And I can show you this noisy city and cuddle you.” Steve smiled when she nudged him softly this time, and it helps ease the underlining guilt he feels. 

**OoO**

A couple days passed and Steve notices that she hasn’t been moving as much, actually she doesn’t move around anymore. She would kick in the early morning when it was still dark outside normally waking Steve up in the process. So when Steve keeps waking up at normal times without her kicks he knew something was up. Instead of going to work the next morning Steve decided to go for a run to hopefully wake her up, and get things moving again. And he thought he should get out of the house. Cause if he watches one more stupid rom com he might just lose it.

After a couple minutes when he left the house Steve realizes later that it obviously wasn’t fun to jog around and constantly wipe sweat away. Usually he would be red as a tomato after a few runs but just walking there was a hassle. He didn’t want to push himself too much, trying to avoid the risks of hurting himself and the baby inside of him. 

Since he was out of the house in a hurry he forgot to grab his bag that had a water bottle and a change of clothes. He stopped to sit on the bunches for a quick break and to take some breaths like his doctor told him.

“Shit I didn’t bring any water.” Steve says angrily running his fingers through his moist hair. Before he could get up to walk back home a sound of footsteps caught his attention. 

“What the fuck Steve it’s like eighty degrees why are you wearing a hoodie?”  Bucky ask approaching Steve who was still sitting down on a bench. 

“Uh I needed to get out of the house and I didn’t have any clean clothes.” Steve tried to explain himself to his friend. Bucky seemed to look right through his lies.

“Bullshit!” He yells feed up with the lies Steve keeps giving, “it’s been months what the fuck is wrong with you. Is it cancer? Are you dying and only have a couple months to live? But you decided to distance yourself from me! Huh?” His voice got louder and louder, Steve could see the steam coming out of his ears. 

“Look Buck it’s confusing-oh mmm” Steve moans clutching his bump with his hands as a pain travels from back to his lower stomach. Bucky takes his prosthetic arm out of his sweater pocket, reaching for Steve’s biceps.

“Are you alright?” Bucky’s once demanding voice died down to one full of worry. 

“Take me to the hospital now something isn’t right.” Steve grits his teeth looking down. Bucky did as told and got them both into the car and calls Sam telling him what happened. 

**OoO**

Ever since Tony was a teenager he did all he could to avoid to meet new people. Because he doesn’t want to get attached and let his guard down meaning he’ll get hurt again. Since that’s just how he grew up, genuinely not giving a shit about anyone but himself. So it was a shock when he helped Peter out. 

Peter has been staying at the hotel room Tony provided for a couple weeks. So whenever Tony gives him a visit he never stops thanking him since he so happy and thankful for Tony. 

But not this time, because Peter has been feeling pains. He hopes that it isn’t baby related but sadly his fate isn't in his favor. 

“Are you alright kid?” Tony asks looking at Peter who is currently bleeding all over the hotel floor. Peter holds his breath as another wave of pain appears this time in his lower back. Tony seen this before all those years ago.

“Fuck uh breathe I’ll call 9-11” Tony grabs a towel from the bathroom and puts it on the bed so Peter can lay down. 

Tony explains himself on the phone as he still watches over Peter. The pain only felt to get worse and more blood was leaking out of him. Familiar dark crimson color covers his own hand and the urge to run and hide was inching under his own skin. Suddenly he didn't feel safe or comfortable. The memories Tony pushed back to the back of his mind were starting to fight it's way out, trying to remind him.

“It hurts sir.” Peter squeaks gripping Tony’s already bloody hand. The pressure of Peter's hand made the feeling more prominent. 

“It’s alright Pete..it will be fine you’re in good hands.” Tony managed to get control of his hands and rubs his shoulders to try and calm him down. It seems to work until the paramedics burst through the doors. They do their thing as Tony watches on the side, still trying to clam Peter.

“I’m going to need you to push son.” One of the paramedics call out to Peter. 

“What do you mean? It’s too early he’s not ready!” Peter cries looking down at his bump.

“I’m sorry we can’t stop the labor it’s too late your baby is coming now.” Peter still cries but tries his best to push the baby out. 

Since the baby was smaller than most newborns and because Peter was so young the baby came out in three pushes. There was silence when the same paramedic finished delivering the baby. 

“Why isn’t he crying!” Peter spoke up looking at the silent baby. The paramedic continues to rub the baby’s back, while someone else rubs away the fresh blood covering  him. They try for a bit longer and soon enough piercing cries fills the room. 

“Let me hold my baby.” Peter demands so someone passed Peter him his fragile baby, with a small smile on their face. Peter smiles back putting his arms in the correct position.

“Hi there little guy,” Peter strokes his still bloody cheek. “you’re all covered in my blood and gunk. I’ll clean you right up once we get check in the hospital. Sounds good?” Everyone continues to do their job. Peter then delivers the placenta in a couple pushes, with his newborn son in his arms.

All the paramedics pack up their gear and got Peter on a gurney for faster travel. 

This is the light at the end of tunnel, this is what Peter needed to feel whole again. 

**OoO**

When Steve first woke up he was greeted with Bucky sitting on a chair next to him. His hands were covering his face, and Sam rubbing his shoulders. He wanted to open his mouth and say something but instead he felt a pain grow in this throat. That forced a moan to leave this lips and soon the attention of his two best friends were on him. 

“Steve?” Sam speaks up and immediately stands up straight making eye contact with Steve. Bucky sits there silent looking at Steve. 

“Hey guys, I guess I’m not dead.” Steve jokes and then laughs when a nurse smiles at him. Both of them don’t smile nor move since they are kind of still pissed off. The nurse showed herself out once she made sure Steve was stable. 

“By the look on your faces I’m guessing you know about her.” Steve gestures down at his stomach that’s poking out of his hospital gown. 

“Yes we know about the baby you’ve been hiding for six months.” Bucky sighs trying to keep his voice down. Sam didn’t move his hand from his shoulder since Bucky told him it helps him stay calm. Sam clears his throat as he looks from Bucky to Steve. 

“Look I really wanted to tell you guys. I just didn’t know how to, and because you guys already had so much on your plates.” Steve confesses, looking right up at Bucky who just couldn’t remove the disappointed look off his face. Before Steve could say anything a familiar face speeds by the hallway. The not so mystery man turns his head and looks at Steve without letting go of the young boy’s hand. 

“Tony?” Steve calls out once he’s out of slight. He totally forgot about the other two people in the room who are just as curious.

“Wait as in  _the_ Tony Stark?” Sam questions in shock

“Yes as in _the_ Tony Stark” Steve repeats looking down at his bump after feeling some soft nudges.

“What does he have to do with any of this?” Bucky asks not taking his eyes off Steve. Steve takes a deep breath and rubs his stomach one more time before looking back up at the couple 

“Tony’s the father.”  For the first time in six, going on seven months Steve finally told another person who the father is. Someone who isn’t his therapist. The feeling he was expecting to feel was; relief but he felt the same. Telling them didn’t change nor help the fact that Tony is currently in the same building as him. 

Hell he could be right next door. 

Wait who the fuck was the kid on the stretcher. Tony was holding his and they both were covered in blood. 

What happened. Steve needs to find out and he needs to find out quick. It seems like for the first time during his pregnancy that things were finally beginning to speed up. Steve suddenly felt like the last three months were gonna end. Before he could get to Tony and share the news.

So without thinking Steve tries to get up from the hospital bed totally forgetting why he‘s here.

“Woah slow down there big guy, you can’t just run after him.” Sam gently pushes Steve back into the hospital bed. Steve doesn’t resist since he knows that the baby’s safety always come first. He can’t just charge into Tony’s room without knowing why he’s here. 

“I need to see Tony.” Steve whimpers letting his emotions get the best of him. This time it was Bucky’s then to say something.

“Steve you can’t just barge in without knowing why he’s here in the first place.” Bucky used to be the kind of guy who would shoot first and ask questions later. But throughout the years he changed. Steve likes to joke that Sam turned him soft. He even works at a elementary school now, since being around all those cute little kids helps him forget about all the terrible things he did in the past. 

However Bucky is right, what was Tony doing there. Steve thinks and rubs his stomach smiling when he feels kicks under his overstretched skin. 

“She’s moving, do you want to feel?” Steve suggests locking eyes with the couple. Bucky looks at Sam with wondering eyes not knowing what to say. Neither of them has the courage to answer since they were in a situation similar to this. Not that long ago. 

“Mr. Rogers?” An older man walks in closing the door behind him. Steve immediately gives him attention forgetting Bucky and Sam’s broken expressions. 

“How about we discuss what exactly happened? Alone preferably.” He looks back at the couple hoping they got the message. Sam catches on and drags them both out leaving the two alone. 

“Is she alright doc?” Steve asks trying to hide how scared he is. Since his friends were no longer in the room Steve didn’t feel the urge to mask his true emotions. 

“She’s alright,” He answers after an awkward silence began to form. “We believe it was just dehydration that soon triggered contractions. However we were able to stop the labor from progressing. You’ll be discharged tomorrow morning.” 

“Oh alright that’s good I guess.” 

“Just take it easy, she’s a fighter just like her father.” They smiles at each other and thought of asking about Tony pops in his mind for a brief moment. Until a nurse walks in calling for the doctor. Leaving Steve alone again. Steve decides it’s best to just ignore and move on. So for the first time in months Steve falls asleep easy without any guilt. 

**OoO**

When Tony first arrived to the hospital he wanted to do nothing but run away. He didn’t want to relive old childhood memories. He just wanted to go back home to his lab and design something new. But instead he’s at the hospital sitting on a uncomfortable plastic chair next to Peter who just fell asleep.

Tony remembers how violent Peter got when a doctor asks to see the newborn baby. He didn't want anyone to touch the kid, and Tony didn't have enough courage to try and calm Peter down. So seeing him fast asleep eased Tony a bit. They sadly had to drug him and soon enough Peter grew weak and they were able to run some tests on the baby. And later pronounced him in perfect health. 

There’s something else Tony remembers, or was it a dream? When they first entered the place Tony remembers running past a door. And seeing him right there on his own hospital bed starring up at him with his stupid blue eyes that Tony fell for. 

Why was he here? Was Steve hurt? Or even worse was he dying. Tony immediately panics thinking about all the possible bad things that could of led him here. 

"Mr.Stark?" Peter calls out to Tony snapping him out of his thoughts for a moment, he now realizes how stupid this is and that he should be by Peter's side if anything. 

Steve was the one who ghosted Tony, he basically ripped out Tony's heart out without any regret and broke it. So if anything he should come over and apologize and maybe,_ just maybe_ Tony will forgive him. It's not a guarantee but Tony is considering it. 

"What's up kid?" Tony could hear the doctor's voice telling him to talk to Peter in a calm tone. So triggering him would be avoided. 

"Sir what happened?" Tony stood up from his chair and began to walk towards him slowly not too fast. Peter sat there confused on why he was acting unlike himself, but he remained quiet watching Tony move closer. 

"Listen Pete," Tony made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed blocking Peter's view of the baby crib in the corner of the room. "you're in the hospital because-" Tony couldn't think of what to say since he wasn't the one in this position. He never had to tell someone heartbreaking news, he received them. All of this is so new yet familiar to him. 

"Oh my God Peter! There you are." Before Tony could turn around and push the new voice out he saw how Peter's face lit up and thought it was best to not interfere. 

"I'm alright really aunt May." Peter sighs when the embraced between them goes on for too long.

"Is my baby okay sir?" Tony nods locking eyes with Peter's teary ones.

"He's more than okay, perfect kid all ten fingers and ten toes. You should be proud." Tony mentally thanks whatever type of God there was that he didn't have to break down the past twenty so hours to him. Tony smiles for the first time today when he shows himself out after an uncomfortable silence fell in the room. 

"It's good that you're okay Peter, stay safe for me. And take care of that baby" Tony walks towards the door and pulls out his phone to notify F.R.I.D.A.Y for a ride home. Peter beats him to it because it's his voice that pulls him back into the room. 

"Thank you for everything Tony, I owe you a big one." He could see the tears roll down his cheeks but Tony know that they are out of joy and not out of sadness. So when he turns around one last time and leans on the door he thinks it's only appropriate to make a joke. 

"Just to let you know I'm giving you my blessing to name the kid after me. Tony Jr. has a nice ring to it." Tony could feel the tension drift away from the room when he gets them both to laugh. 

"See you around sir." And just like that Tony leaves the room and the aching feeling go away for once, letting him breathe easy. For once his thoughts were no longer about the safely of Peter but about how he's gonna get home. The feeling to just lay back and close his eyes comes back again since the adrenaline was no longer present. Taking on the request is easy to fulfill when he sees a empty chair in the waiting room. And so he drifts off not caring about the location and only thinking about Steve and how this is the closest he'll ever be to him. The same feeling he felt after leaving Peter returns easing him to a deep slumber. 

**OoO**

"What do you fucking mean you just found him!" Steve wispier yells at the pair looking back down at a sleeping Tony on a stretcher. Steve hopes he's not being too loud because the second Tony wakes up and notices where he is. Steve knows he'll be pissed and that he's going to have to tell him about _their_ baby. Bucky then laughs when he thinks about how easy it was to just take a stretcher and load Tony. No one said anything when they saw Sam and him rolling Tony into Steve's room. One person even greeted Sam as Doctor when they were in the elevator. 

"Steve we told you already, he was sleeping in the lobby when Buck and I were getting some coffee. So we carried him into the janitor's closet and I went and took a gurney. And wheeled him here, actually we went on a elevator. So then we finally wheeled him here." Sam goes into detail about how they transported Tony here but it does nothing to calm his racing heart. For the past months Steve wanted nothing more than to tell Tony about the baby so he could be there for Steve.

However now that the opportunity is right there suddenly Steve doesn't want to go through his plan. Steve tries to tell himself that the two out of three people now know so why not rip off the bandage all the way. Tony was already there, maybe against his will and Steve didn't imagine telling him like this. But there wasn't going to be another time.

It was now or never.

"Alright fine wake him up," Steve sighs and sits down on the bed watching them move closer to Tony. "actually stop i want to do it!" Steve gets up again so he could stand next to his friends, and in front of Tony. It was a better idea for Steve to handle this alone so he doesn't overwhelm Tony. 

"Are you sure about this Steve?" Bucky grips his shoulder trying to calm him down so another incident doesn't happen. 

"Yes I'm so sure now get out of here before I call security." Steve jokes making them both smile and walk out soon after. Once the door was close and they were long gone Steve sighs sadly looking back at Tony. For the first time in a long time Steve takes him Tony's facial expressions like he normally does with himself. His whole face screamed exhaustion and he hopes that the nap he was taking wasn't his first one. He didn't get to get a good look at Tony when they first met since they had sex in possibly the darkest place in all of Brooklyn. At the club Steve could see that it was actually _the_ Tony Stark, but the thought that he was famous didn't brother Steve. Sure if anyone else was in his position they would freak out but not Steve. It also didn't matter to either of them since they thought it gonna be a one-night thing, and not a nine month journey. 

The soft sounds coming out of Tony's nose caught Steve's attention and suddenly he remembers what he had to do.

"Here goes nothing." Steve says and gently shakes Tony waking him out of his sleeping state. He thought it was going to take a couple tries but after the first one Tony is waking up. Steve instantly regrets it when Tony finally meets Steve's eyes. 

"Steve?" Shock is written all over Tony's face when he realizes that Steve is in front of him and that is isn't a dream. Steve is actually there and talking to him. How Tony felt when he fell asleep was now long forgotten and was replaced with sorrow, and anger. Tony thinks back to all the late nights he spent drinking and then crying over the missed calls, and countless texts that Steve never opened. Tony thought he would be about to push down the annoyance he's feeling and try and hear Steve out. Because he soon realized that Steve was talking about something, probably a apology. But it didn't matter because there's nothing he could say that could convince Tony to forget the past and let Steve back in his life.

"-and I know you might have questions about the baby, and _yes she's your's._ I frankly don't know anyone who would want to hook up with a pregnant guy, not that i would oh go-" And just like that the grudge Tony had on Steve disappeared. 

"Steve hold up did you say I have a daughter." Tony managed to lock eyes with Steve demanding the truth, because up to this moment Tony didn't care for Steve neither did he want him in his life. Steve only nods and looks down at his belly grinning when a arm, or a leg kicks him. His smiles falters when he views the room and knows what he did and gets a good look at Tony. He sees the darkness of the bags indicating that he hasn’t got sleep in weeks. (so this nap was he first.) He also sees the tears that were forming in his eyes.

He didn’t deserve to find out like this; Steve in this hospital with a IV that’s pumping nutrients from his worn out body, to the baby inside of him. 

“I sincerely didn’t want to tell you like this.” Steve confesses truly, getting scoff in return “I honestly planned to tell you..just not like this.” He gestures to the setting watching Tony rolls his eyes telling Steve that Tony was going to say something rude. 

“Where were you going to tell me? Huh? When you actually go into labor and fucking die? A-and this kid will be a fucking a orphan because his only known dad kept his other dad hidden!" Tony yells at Steve as he gets up the stretcher. His emotions taking over Tony like it always did. "It’s been six months Steve when I was gonna be informed that you are pregnant with my child.” Tony didn’t care about keeping his voice down, or that Steve is still in fragile condition. Steve hid this from him for six months, that’s more than half of the pregnancy. He has every right to be upset. Steve grips the bed to hold back from cursing Tony out. But that would just give Steve unnecessary stress when he deserves every right to yell at Steve. Unforgivably Steve is stubborn so Tony won't be the only one getting a lecture today.

"If anything Tony you should go the next step and get some fucking authorities involved. See how much you will enjoy taking my daughter away from me! Because they sure as hell will let you keep her since you are financially fit." Steve balls his hand into a fist and breathes when he sees Tony's reaction. How he is just as upset as Steve, however Steve was diffidently more furious since the guilt he's been feeling is starting to come up onto the surface, and all over Tony. 

"Steve I don't want to take away the kid from you." Tony sighs and looks back at him when he removed his finger from pinching his nose. Steve puts his head down because if he looks at Tony's smug little face he just might collide his fist with Tony's jaw. "If anything I want to _help_ you." Tony finishes and makes his way to Steve eventually sitting down next to him. Tony hopes he's not overstepping his bounties because he's been through enough shit today and he doesn't Steve to walk out of his life.

Because if he did then he would be taking his daughter along with him and that's something Tony didn't want to happen. Steve didn't want Tony to leave nor did Tony want to take away the baby. That thought helped him calm down a bit bringing his anger down. 

"You know what I actually don't hate you right now." Steve jokes when the two of them finally lock eyes again. 

"I'm kind of glad that your friends kidnapped me on a stretcher and brought me to you two." The smile at each other for the first time since they first met at that club six months ago. The moment is short lived when Steve feels her kick him even harder in the ribs, demanding his attention. 

"Oof-" Steve huffs out when she does it again this time she kicks a new spot of his stomach. 

"You alright there Rogers?" Tony gets ready to aid him when he hears Steve's discomfort. 

"Yeah all good here, she's just kicking me." Tony does his best to not overstep and touch Steve. But Steve is able to read his thoughts and tells himself that it wasn't a bad idea, and that maybe it could get rid of the tension.

"Give me your hand." Without waiting for Tony to give him a response Steve grips his hand and moves it to where she's kicking. Neither of them say anything for a couple seconds since the moment is too special. 

"Holy shit that her moving, that's our daughter and she's very strong little girl though." Steve laughs when he glances Tony's expression. It was like he was rewatching his first time but this time he _wasn't alone_. Because this time Tony was right there and he made it very known that he wasn't leaving. Steve was having this kid and it wasn't for the worst but it's for the better. 

So the pain they both been feeling didn't disappear but instead it gave them some encouragement to work things out between the two. 

_For her_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck what a ride sorry again I know it sucks :(( i’m already working on the next chapter! And this is the last sad chapter i’ll Be making for this book btw. The rest is happy, and not s O angsty. Ok byee.
> 
> Thus title is from the song “summertime” by u guessed it My Chemical Romance.
> 
> Also happy March 22!!


	7. It's so hard to believe but it's all coming back to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally some soft stevetony..for like two seconds. And it might be angst again sorry :/
> 
> Tony finds out something about his past.
> 
> Finally some more SamBucky! y a y !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -verbal fighting  
-flashbacks  
-cursing  
-talks about past kidnapping and brainwashing  
-PTSD mentions  
-talks of past drinking and past drug use  
-suicide attempt
> 
> btw i very sorry that i didn't post this yesterday. I was just so sad and i was crying over Tony (cause yesterday was the one year anniversary of Endgame's release) so i hope you guys like this chapter i worked really hard on it!

_ April _

-

Things with Tony weren't as bad as Steve thought it was going to be. The only issue is that Tony requests that he uses Happy, their personal driver whenever Steve wants to go anywhere. And Tony can't be seen in Steve's neighborhood since the press will find out about Steve and use him to blackmail Tony. So when they meet up it has to be done at Tony's house that was in Staten Island meaning it was a thirty-eight minute drive from place to place, everyday because Tony wants to have time to bond with Steve before the baby gets here. Steve does his best to be nice and do what Tony tells him since he wants them to get along. Steve just wishes that Tony could see how uncomfortable he is having to hide his identity and how ironic it was that Tony hasn't told anyone about Steve. But it wasn't like Tony had anyone to tell, but Steve doesn't know that. 

Steve was now seven months and at the stage where he wants nothing more than to sleep but taking a nap in the car wasn't a good idea for his already frequent back pains. There were times where she (meaning the baby inside of Steve) would fall asleep but from the way Happy was driving, and the New York traffic. She was up the second Steve got into the car. But he tells himself that it's worth it when he sees how much Tony's face lights up the second Steve gets there.

"Hey how was the drive?" Tony takes off his headset and some type of robot takes it from his hands before it could hit the floor. Steve stands from a distance since he's still getting used to Tony's life because of how different it is from Steve's. The two are so unalike and it worries Steve to think about how the baby will turn out. Will she be as smart as Tony or will she be as kind hearted as Steve, or will she be unlike the two. There were too many thoughts swimming in his head trying to figure out her personality. There also wasn't a lot that Steve knew about Tony, he's about seventy percent sure that his favorite color is red, or maybe it's orange.

There's one thing Steve knows about him, and that's Tony isn't afraid to tell someone how he feels. There was something he was just realizing that him and Tony had in common; they both don't know how to express themselves. Although Steve does it in a polite way. Steve once heard Tony tell off some guy when he finally visited him after leaving the hospital. The two were eating out in a secure area and Tony got upset at someone who messed up Steve's order. All it took was Steve to apologize and tell them that they were expecting and the manager didn't call the cops. It was kind of sweet in a weird way. The way he makes sure that Steve was okay and it wasn't too annoying, _ yet _. 

"Earth to Steve!" Tony waved his hands in Steve's face when he didn't hear a response. The motion caused Steve to quiet his thoughts and focus on Tony and what the question was.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Steve finally gets in control of his voice and looks back up at Tony who was still standing on the elevated platform. He gets a famous scoff from him and then he's moving towards Steve explaining the question again getting a nod from Steve and an honest smile.

"It was alright. Happy finally took on my request to change the music and put on something else." Steve is a bit confused when he sees Tony frown after he took a sip of his drink. Then after a couple seconds he puts it together knowing the reason for Tony's expression. "Wait you're telling me you enjoy that crap?" Steve asks, amused watching Tony give him the silent treatment. Since he's upset with Steve for making fun of his music taste. 

"As a matter of fact I think listening to AC/DC at any time of the day increases my thinking ability." Tony admits standing in front of Steve.

"Well I have to disagree with you there Stark because I enjoy listening to Frank Sinatra."

"Are you secretly eighty years old!" Tony crouches down being leveled with Steve's bump. "You hear that _ squirt _ your _ daddy _listens to 40's music we're fucked now!" Tony teases, reviving a laugh from Steve and a kick from the baby. 

"Squirt?" Steve asks when Tony stands up straight, the smile on his face only gets bigger when he learns the meaning behind it. 

They were doing it, they were bonding and fuck they are pretty good at it. 

OoO

Ever since Steve was released from the hospital Bucky has been using all his spare time to figure out why he knows Tony. He was sure it had something to do with what happened when he was a teenager, when he was kidnapped and brainwashed. But thinking about it caused him to relive memories he spent years forgetting all the therapy sections and all the long talks he had with Sam and Steve confessing the deeds he did that were not too painful to talk about. If Bucky tells Sam about the thinking he's been doing then he'll throw him back into therapy and who knows how long it will take to get over it, _ again _. 

It's not like he's forcing himself to only think about that because he still has to prep lessons for his students, and help Steve when he's venting late at night, and still maintain a healthy relationship with Sam. There were just times when he totally gets distracted with whatever he was doing and remembers Tony's last name. Since Steve constantly refers to him as _ Stark _Bucky is then focusing all his energy trying to assemble the broken puzzle pieces that are his memories. It's being to drive him mad and the throbbing pain returns in his shoulder of his fake arm, telling him that he should just forget it and continue talking to the children in front of him. And that's what he tries to do because at the end of the day it wasn't a good idea to think about this stuff when about twenty nine-year-olds were present. 

"So do you have any more spicy drama on Mrs.Emerson and Mr.Smith today?" Sam immediately questions when Bucky enters the living room. "Any you know..?" Sam gestures a motion with his hands that makes Bucky grin and suddenly all he wants to do is cover himself in the throw blanket Sam was using. 

"Nope nothing today since I was locked in my room during my lunch break." Bucky begins to remove his coat and hang it up along with his bag so his attention wasn't on Sam. And how he was probably squinting to try and see if he was telling the truth. Most of the time it was easy to lie to Sam since they were always little and not important but with something as big as this lying to him was a bit changeling. 

"Damn I was looking forward to hearing something new between the two." Sam smiles sadly looking back to the TV that no doubt had _ Gilmore Girls _ playing. Bucky smiles at him and the guilt he feels is easy to forget when Sam is then patting a spot next to him on the couch. Bucky gives in easily since the last time the two of them did anything intimate was hours after Christmas, but that was just out of spite since Bucky was upset at Steve.

So maybe they could get things going a couple more times before they are officially parents. The twins were ready to come any day now since the carrier of them was now full-term and set to deliver in a nice and safe hospital near them. Bucky is concerned that things with Steve and his new growing obsession with Tony may interfere with his ability to take care of the twins. There wasn't a day where he regrets going through with the adoption seeing that he was finally getting the one thing he wanted ever since he was reunited with Sam.

_ It was marrying Sam and having a future with him. _

Bucky was taken when he was just nineteen years old and spent five years there. Five straight years fighting his own mind from doing to all the monstrous and revolting missions he was forced to do. If he were to not obey then they would just torture him and after a couple tries later he gave in and did what they wanted but in the back of his mind he held onto the single image his mind could remember of Sam.

Yes things were more than challenging for Bucky, but it was also challenging for Sam.

Sam wasted so many nights crying himself to sleep when the FBI and cops told him that Bucky was nowhere to be found. He of course didn't believe them and did some snooping around for himself so for all those years he traveled across the country trying to find him. He dropped out of college so he could dedicate all his time finding him. But when dropping out didn't do any good he joined the army for a couple months so he could gain some knowledge. It was a dead end so he gave up and began drinking his problems away. He turned to drugs and became addicted, it wasn't until Steve showed up at his house one night to check up on him that he found Sam lifeless on the floor with a bottle of pills in his hands. He was then forced to go to rehab and therapy so he could fix himself up. All his mistakes pushed him to open up a boxing gym that supports addicts. 

Just as Sam got his life together he gets an address with a picture of Bucky from an unknown number. Without even thinking he drives over the thought of telling the cops is in the back of his mind because suddenly he's the anxious twenty-one year old who just had the love of his life rip apart from him. Not even for a second does Sam care about the safety of himself due to the fact that he finally had the chance to get _ James _ back. And fuck that is what truly mattered. When he found Bucky it took a couple seconds to get used to how much he changed. The last image Sam remembered of him was long forgotten and this guy who had more muscles and wounds than the guys Sam saw in his gym took his place. It wasn't like he was complaining because all it took was for Bucky to call out Sam's name for him to fall more in love with him. 

When Bucky was stable enough to come home the two talk about each other's hardships during the last five years and without any hesitation they went to city hall and got married. Sure it was just them and Steve but it was enough and they all knew it was the right idea. Later they began trying for a family right after Steve graduated high school, but their luck ran out. Because of all the experiments Bucky was put through it was affecting his capability to stay pregnant. Saying it was a dark time was an understatement because it was more than that. 

Although the two of them try not to think about all the hardships in the past and look forward to all the positive things that can happen later. 

So when Bucky looked at Sam one last time that night the thought about waking him up and telling him about the thinking he's been doing occurs in his head. But he wants to keep Sam as stress free as he could seeing that the twins' arrival is soon. 

OoO

Getting used to Steve and how different he is from when they first met was an odd feeling. Tony is familiar with pregnancy and how it works since for as long as Tony could remember he was constantly meeting new people. Of all different religious and racial backgrounds. Therefore he somewhat knew how Steve was feeling so he had an idea since all pregnancies were unique. It just meant he was more inclined to give Steve whatever he wanted or needed. The problem was he never once complained about anything Tony thinks it's because of how much shit he's throwing at him. Whenever the two meet up Steve has to ride in secret and Tony has to still pretend to be himself but with Steve around and now his daughter coming soon Tony didn't know how to handle things. It's like all the past twenty-one years are trying to enter his thoughts again. All he wants is to like him, well that and for him to kiss him or sleep in the same bed as him. Each time Steve leaves Tony wants to reach out and just hold him for a bit longer and feel his daughter for the rest of his life. To be able to freeze this moment and stay like that for the end of time. Nevertheless Tony knows that will take time and that's something they have an imitative supply of. 

"Incoming text message from the contact _ Steven _sir. Shall I read it out loud?" Before Tony decided to make his way toward his bar and make something F.R.I.D.A.Y's voice shakes him out of his thoughts. 

"Nah it's fine I'll just grab my phone thanks." He makes his way to the elevators as he pulls out his phone reading the two messages over and over again in his head. 

Steven_ : 'Hey i can't make it tonight i have to stay over at my friend's house today :( see u tmw at our usual time Tone' 4:07pm _

Steven_ : 'i meant Tony..stupid auto correct :P' 4:08pm _

Tony: '_ Whatever helps you sleep at night Rogers, we both know that you secretly typed that all out yourself.' 4:11pm _

Steven: _ 'Oh piss off I did not! it was a mistake and that's that.' 4:12pm _

Tony: _ 'Alright alright. I'm sure the little lady would agree with me too. But it's ok when I can meet up tomorrow but how about this time I'll come to you? Sounds good?' 4:13pm _

Steve knew that at some point Tony was going to officially enter his world he just didn't think it would be so soon. This is what Steve wanted, he can take the train home for the first time in weeks, and he could take a nap in his bed instead of a car. This is a good thing, right? But what if he somehow scares Tony off and he finally comes to his scenes and sees that Steve isn't worth it. So he leaves his life again and Steve goes through the adoption, giving her up since he can't support her.

Tony wouldn't do that or at least Steve hopes he doesn't. 

Steven: _'yeah thats okay see you then.'_ _4:20pm _

Steven: _'wait how about you come with me tonight and meet my friends. (they are the guys who kidnapped u at the hospital btw)'_ _4:20pm _

Tony: _ 'I accept the unofficial yet official invite to meet the guys who were apart of my abduction.' 4:22pm _

Steven: _'bring wine !!'_ _4:25pm_

Tony: '_Noted.'_ _4:26pm_

It seemed like a good idea in the beginning but it was a recipe for disaster.

OoO

"Also this dip is great Bucky," Steve says, reaching for the bowl of Bucky's famous buffalo to add more on his plate. Reviving a smile and laugh from the pair "and I invited Tony for dinner tonight." Steve admits before he shoves a checker in his mouth when both their grins fade away. It didn't make Sam upset because he was a secret fan of his, he was just pissed that Steve didn't worn him so he could have ordered more food. Bucky on the other hand didn't want him in his house which is also known as his safe place. Where his thoughts of him were the hardest to push back. So having him hear might refresh his memory or even worse, _ trigger _him. Because when Tony was in his thoughts no one was safe from Bucky and what was in his mind. 

"He's bringing wine guys!" Steve tries to reason with them since their expressions didn't vanish. "He's a good guy, crappy music taste but under that he's kind and sweet." It was like trying to reason with his parents Sam even had his palm on his hip just like Steve's mom did. 

"Alright Steve it's fine, we're okay with it." Sam looks at Bucky who was playing with the ends of his hair "I-I just wanted a little heads up so I could have got more food that's all." Sam tells him.

_ 'This is good so far.' _Steve thinks to himself after a different conversion started. Things are finally falling into place, sure it took seven months but it was happening all was left for the baby to come. The anxious feeling Steve felt earlier was still there some days it seems as if it never leaves. But for the moment right now Steve rubs his stomach and waits for Tony to arrive while his friends talk about whatever was on their minds. 

"I'll prepare us some drinks." Bucky says not waiting for an answer and heads to the fridge to pour him and Sam some leftover wine. "Steve do you want apple cider or some tea?" 

"Tea I suppose, it's not like I have a choice."

And so they drank while having small talk, it was a win-win since it helped Bucky forget about his thoughts and his family is having a good time. 

A bottle of wine later and not long after the table was set did Tony finally show up. Steve knew that Tony would be his dramatic self and show up fashionably late. Sam and Bucky didn't seem to care too much.

"Look who finally decided to come!" Steve jokes when he opens the door hearing cheers from the pair. 

"Tony Stark!" Sam shouts with exhilaration when Tony approaches the dining table.

"I brought wine." Tony grins as Steve follows slowly behind so he can watch the people he cares about interact for the first time. Because no one but Sam counts their first actual encounter as the real deal. 

Now suddenly sober Bucky couldn't remove his glaze from Tony throughout the whole dinner. Because he thought somehow doing that would answer the question that's been on his mind;

Who the fuck is Tony Stark? It was driving him insane he didn't know how much more he could take before he just explodes. 

"Do you guys not celebrate Easter?" Tony asks when everyone sits at the table and sees takeout Chinese. 

"Yes we do, but we kind of fell out of the traditions this year." Steve answers referring to his stomach giving Tony enough information to find out the answer. 

"How about you?" Bucky finds his voice and looks Tony directly in the eyes. Tony is hesitant to answer because Bucky is giving him a bad vibe so he looks over in the corner of his eyes to see Steve reaching for his hand under the table. And that calms him and erases his unsure feeling. 

"As a matter of fact I haven't celebrated a single holiday since my parents' accident. I just don't see the point." Tony explains and takes a sip of his drink. 

"W-well what happened to your parents?" Bucky asks fully committed now since there's a memory that's becoming clear. 

"Excuse me?" 

"I said, what happened to your parents." The room is silent as the conversation becomes more and more heated. 

"What happened to my parents isn't your concern pal." Tony stands up upset that Bucky is asking these questions. 

"It is now since you stepped into my house." They both knew fighting was pointless and just rude. But Bucky needed to put his thoughts to sleep. 

"Why are you so conserved with what happened with them? They died a long time ago and that's that. End of discussion." Tony grabs his things and makes his way to the door. Maybe him and Steve could put it behind him. Tony knows he should look back at Steve and make sure he was alright, but he doesn't think he could handle seeing whatever expression he had. Although he knows Steve is upset Tony just prays he wasn't just upset with Tony. 

"Hold up, don't tell me you're Howard Stark's kid?" Bucky gets up from his chair and follows Tony. 

"Who told you that? No-no one knows that." Tony couldn't believe what he's hearing. He did all he could to forget Howard. Because just hearing the name sends shivers down his spine. "How do you fucking know that?" 

"I was brainwashed and under the influence of HYDRA from the years 2001 to 2010. For those five years they forced me against my own will. I went on missions to terminate innocent civilians because they thought everyone is guilty and deserves to die. They found me after I had an accident with my arm, they later gave me a-" Bucky stopped himself from saying anymore before it was too late. "I remember now, I remember everything." 

"What do you mean Buck." Steve still remained seated, Sam stood next to his chair just in case anyone tries to do anything. Then at least Steve would be safe. 

"I had a metal arm that was later replaced with my prosthetic arm. I c-"

"Hey buddy get to the punchline will ya." Tony snapped clearly upset with staying here longer. 

"December 16, 2009 I sent to kill Howard and Maria Stark." Bucky confesses looking directly at Tony. No one said a thing, everyone was still taking in what Bucky said. 

"You fucking killed my parents. You son of a bitch!" Tony yells. 

"Tony," Steve gets up and stands in between his best friend, and the father of his daughter. Sam followed and went to Bucky's side. "Bucky wasn't in control; he didn't know what he was doing."

"Did you know?" Steve shakes his head "Don't lie to me Steve, did you fucking know." 

"I didn't know shit Tony! I'm hearing this for the first time just like you. I swear." Steve says truthfully and looks at Bucky who was looking down at his hands. 

"I knew it wasn't some accident after all these years and I'm just finding out! I can't believe this shit." Tony curses and then walks out, slamming the door shut. Leaving the three of them in silence. 

"I'm going out." After a few more moments Bucky removes himself from the grip Sam had on him and walked out. The second the door closed for the second time the tears Steve was holding back all night finally ran down his cheeks and onto the floor. Sam notices and reaches for Steve giving him a comforting hug. They held each other for minutes and just cried, letting out whatever they were feeling.

"It's going to be alright Steve, I'm right here. Let it all out." 

**OoO**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goddamn sorry for all that shit, i'll make it up to you all in the next chapter!
> 
> have a safe week! wash your hands, and stay inside! If u need anyone to talk to during this time pls ask me and i'll give u my Instagram. love y'all <3 ! !


	8. The sun will rise and we will try again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is one of the last chapters :/ i don't want to end this fic, but i know deep down that i have to. I'll save my big and unnecessary speech for the last chapter. But i just wanted to give y'all a heads up.
> 
> happy cinco de mayo!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -slight drinking use  
-Past abuse  
-PTSD  
-Smut scene

_ May _

-

Confronting Tony after that night was one of the hardest things Steve ever had to do. It felt like he was always cleaning up messes he didn't make. Bucky should be the one who's apologizing for his actions, while Steve should be preparing for his daughter that's coming in a month. He knows that everything in his life wasn't going to be sunshine and rainbows, he learned that from a young age. Just thinking about his past, and how he was raised is what pushed him to talk to Tony. He doesn't want his daughter to go through what he had to. Steve wants her to have a perfect life, well at least something close to perfect. So talking to Tony after a couple weeks is the first step in fixing their relationship. 

"Tony? It's Steve, Happy let me in." Steve entered Tony's apartment. "Tony are you here?" He called out once again when all he got was silence the first time. He closes the door and explodes around trying to find Tony. After a couple minutes pass Steve gives up when a pain grows stronger in his back.The pains have been pretty frequent but also unpredictable. Sometimes Steve would be jolted from his nap because he felt an agonizing pain in his lower stomach and or back. He called his doctor the other day and she said they were called braxton hicks contractions and they were common for people who were as far along as Steve. So when he sees the last door he hopes there's some type of chair or bed so he could lay for a bit. Before he opens it he hears the muffled sounds of a song that Steve listened to when he was a teenager.

But there were also three voices that Steve has never heard before along with Tony, they sound _ happy _he even hears Tony laugh. It makes Steve's heart ache because all he wants is for Tony to be happy and if he walks in then he knows Tony's good mood will fade away. Since that dinner was only three weeks ago, during them Tony sent Steve a text a day, making sure nothing baby related happened. He would try to get a conversion going but Tony always left him on read, even Happy doesn’t answer his calls it wasn't until Steve's tenth call did Happy answer. However he didn't give Steve his exact location just that he was in his apartment. Steve sighs sadly and then opens the door he sees three unfamiliar faces turn and face Steve. There’s a guy with long blond hair, an older man with light brown hair, and a dark skinned man near the window. Tony stands up, Steve can see all the color drain from his face. He doesn't focus long on their faces because soon enough Steve smells fresh paint, and sees little wooden furniture that has been in his wish list for months. A light pink color was all over the walls Steve looks around some more and notices that the people in the room all had the color over them. It took a couple seconds for Steve to piece together what this is. 

_ It's a nursery, Tony's making a nursery. _

"Surprise?" The man with dark hair spoke up getting a finger in his face from Tony soon after. 

"You can't be in here," Tony sighs "the smell isn't good for you and the baby." He reaches for the door opening it so Steve can walk out. 

“How about you guys show yourselves out, we’ll finish this some other day.” Tony said to the people in the room. When the two were out and the door was closed Tony led the two to the living room. Steve sat down while Tony walked to the bar, to refill his drink.

"I'm sorry Tony, I really am-" Steve starts, watching Tony chug his second drink feeling bad that he was the reason for Tony's drinking. 

"Are you really? Because for the past two years I thought my parents were in a car accident! Not that they were killed by s-some fucking cult! Two years Steve!" Tony yells and takes a glance at Steve's broken expression. Hurt is written all over his face, and deep down Tony hates that he caused him to look like that. If anything he wants to remove it and replace it with a happier one, because seeing Steve smile always cheers Tony up. Feeling happy is what they both need now, maybe it might help them stop feeling so stressed. Neither of them needs to feel like this when a baby is on it's way. They're supposed to feel like this when the baby comes, not now. 

"I swear that I'm sorry, I didn't know what Bucky did. All I knew was that he was kidnapped for five years." Steve confesses.

"You know what, I can't work with 'I don't know' If he's your best friend then why don't you know anything! Huh? It's a load of crap Steve!"

"I was a fucking kid for fuck's sake! I was barely eleven Tony!" Steve yells after he heard Tony scoff.

"Also It's kind of hard for me to do anything when I was practically an orphan. Things were hard for me too! I had my own shit to do." It took a lot for Steve to let it all out. Because during Bucky's disappearance Steve went into a dark hole. Between the loss of father, Sam's once ongoing drug addiction and him going state to state Steve felt hopeless. His teen years were supposed to be spent staying up all night studying or hanging out with friends after school. Not crying himself to sleep since another day passed and no one adopted him. All the stuff that happened to him made him into who he is now, and without those hardships Steve is sure he wouldn't be the same person he is today. 

As Tony makes his way toward Steve's spot on the couch, he puts the glass down so he could sit on the table in front of Steve. He doesn't say anything he just looks at Steve, he observes his bump noticing how it grew in size. The urge to reach his hand out so he could feel his daughter's movements is strong. Now that he thinks about Tony hasn't been to one ultrasound, all the updates he gets are the screenshots Steve used to send from some app. He knows that Steve is going to appointments but Steve never once invited Tony to go, even if he sent pictures that would be enough to satisfy him. It's not like he would force Steve to do something he's uncomfortable with, it just hurt to know that Steve got to see her, and feel her all the time. While Tony barely got anything. It kinda felt like he wasn't worthy enough to be a father. 

"It's okay I'm over it." Tony sighs looking down at his lap trying to distract himself from the tight feeling in his chest. If it weren't for the drinks he had Tony is sure tears would be falling down his face. Steve knew that Tony was lying, he just didn't know how to comfort him. Because whenever Steve is feeling down, he knows what to do, when Sam and or Bucky are having a bad day Steve knows the right thing to say. When he looks at Tony, Steve doesn't know what to do because Tony isn't like anyone he met before. Tony's different. Even when the two first talked to each other Steve knew what kind of guy Tony is. Even now several months later Steve still can't figure him out. Tony gets up when he hears someone call for him, Steve realizes what he needs to do. He grabs his writs stopping him from going any further. 

"Tony, wait." Steve gets up his grip on Tony doesn't go away. "What's wrong please tell me what's going on." Steve asks knowing deep down that it's the right thing. Because Steve just wants their relationship to be somewhat normal. He doesn't want his daughter to grow up in an unhappy environment. 

"Nothing, it's not important, give it up." Tony sighs not wanting to talk about this right now, or possibly never. But he should know that Steve isn't going to give up this easy Tony knows there might be a fight coming. One that may or not push them further away from each other, meaning that the possibility of being in his daughter's life will disappear. Steve hid her for six months who's to say he won't be able to hide her for longer. Tony's sorta confident that Steve won't do that, although there's always a slight chance that he might. 

"It is important. I want to make things work between us, for _ her _." Steve admits and Tony doesn't need to know what he means because soon enough the two are locking eyes. And Tony is able to see the tears gather in Steve's eyes, that's enough to force Tony to speak up. 

"Are you ashamed of me being her father, well her other father? Because I don't feel like I'm being included in anything. I know you're going to appointments, and it's kind of unfair that you get to hold and see her. While I'm left in the dark." Tony rambles looking down at his hand that Steve still had a grip on. It makes him think about how long it's been since the two touched each other. It's been so long since he felt Steve's bump, since he touched his skin, since he kissed his soft pink lips, since he last felt himself in Steve. That night was now eight months ago yet it felt like years. There were a lot of things Tony wanted at this moment, they all involved Steve, and things he wanted to do to him. 

"Tony I'm sorry for treating you like this, I really am." Steve's apology guides Tony out of his thoughts making him come back to reality. "every time I think about it, I wish i could go back and change a lot of things."

"Like what?" Tony couldn't help himself from asking, there was a slight chance that this moment will never happen again. 

"I hated being away from you, I really did. Every night I cried myself to sleep because you weren't there. I don't want her to have my childhood Tony." Steve removes his grip from Tony so he could wipe the tears from his face. "Tony I want you in her life, and in mine. I'm sorry I wasn't clear about that, but it's the trut-"

"Do you mean that? Or are you fucking with me?" Tony cuts him off. 

"I mean it Tony. You are her father a-and I don't ever want to be alone. I want you by my side." Steve begins to sob, his emotions taking over him once again. Tony seems to notice and for once he knows how to approach him. 

"It's going to be alright, I got you." Tony moves toward Steve so he could wrap his arms around him. As the two embrace, Steve sobs in Tony's neck and Tony rubs his fingers through Steve's hair. 

This is the moment that everything fell into place, all the nights Steve spent crying wishing it was all over finally pay off. The times he spent suffering on his own because all the pain he felt were fading away. It is replaced with optimism since Tony has Tony here with him, and for the first time in a long time Steve's glad he's not alone. 

“I have an appointment next Thursday, May twenty-ninth. I’ll send Happy the address and we can drive together.” Steve hears Tony’s heart quicken and he feels a slow nod telling Steve, Tony’s answer. 

"If you're up to it, we can do a quickie?" Tony jokes when Steve's sobs quiet down. 

"Kiss me." Steve removes his head that was pressed into Tony's shoulder, so he could look up at him. 

"Don't tempt me Rogers." 

"Shut up already, and kiss me." Tony did what he's told cause there's no way he was going to turn down an opportunity like this. Before things got even more heated, Tony led them to one of the rooms giving them some well deserved privacy. 

Tony’s bedroom was massive, like his one room was the size of Steve's apartment. He felt jealous but before he got lost in his thoughts he felt Tony's hands on his own writs, sort of restraining him. They didn't make it to the bed yet when Tony began removing his clothing. Steve stood there, his breath caught in his throat. 

"I see someone's happy to see me." Tony points to the bulge growing in Steve's pants. 

"If you keep talking like that, then your little friend might go away." Steve groans when he has to go another minute without Tony inside of him. Steve takes off his clothes as Tony looks for a condom, and some lube. Tony laughs at the sound Steve let out when he comes back. The image of Steve ripping off his clothes will be forever engraved in Tony's head. 

Tony reached for the condoms before Steve could threaten him anymore. 

“We don’t need those Tony. I’m already pregnant, remember?” Steve referred to his protruding stomach. 

“Oh right.” Tony laughs. "Alright let's get this show on the road." Tony gently pushes Steve onto the bed so now he's on top of Steve, the two completely naked.

Tony knew Steve’s body like he knew his own. He traces down the familiar curves feeling the stretch marks along the way. The feeling of Tony's moist fingers moving along his sides drove Steve wild. At this moment all he wants is Tony inside of him, to be able to feel him so deep inside of his ass. To feel Tony cum drip inside of him, and feel it overflow in his ass. To the point whenever Tony thrusts his mighty cock inside Steve would feel drips of cum splatter onto his back. He wants to keep that feeling inside of him until the end of time, he wants Tony to destroy him in every way possible. 

“Do it faster T-tony-...pleas-e” Steve pleaded, forgetting about the cramping in his arms that are supporting him. 

“Aye aye captain.” Tony smiled and thrusted harder laying his hand on Steve’s hips. Maybe he was imaging it but Tony could have sworn that he felt Steve’s hips widen after each thrust. 

After a couple minutes of Steve’s deep moans, that later turned into forceful moans and grunts, Tony finished. 

Steve sighs when Tony helped him roll onto his back, Tony doing the same. The two laid there trying to catch their breath. As each second passed Steve regained his thought process so he could come back to reality. He got control of his body and shot a glance over at Tony, who just came back from the bathroom with a wet rag. He even had some boxers on leaving Steve completely exposed. The adrenaline slowly ebbs away when Tony makes his way to him. And suddenly Steve was back in his body, he no longer felt like he was on cloud nine. Instead the familiar pregnancy related pains came back. 

“You alright there Steve?” Tony asks seeing Steve lay there for longer than he expected. 

“Mm-hm I’m good, just sore.” Steve opens his eyes to meet Tony’s feeling happiness course throughout his body. 

“I really outdid myself then? I’m guessing it was good?” Tony questions as he leisurely wipes Steve clean, freeing him from any traces of Tony. Steve hums in response not wanting to cause any movements in his body since he doesn’t want to be in more pain then he was already in. Sure he was used to all the new sensation happening inside of him, but sometimes it felt good to just do nothing but breathe. From what he could tell Tony isn’t like that since even now Tony is playing with the loose threads from the blanket. Steve could tell that Tony is inching to say something and Steve wants to say something too before this calm moment between them would go away. 

“Uh..do you want to change? I could lend you some clothes, I’m sure they’ll fit.” Tony gets up without hearing Steve respond. A couple seconds later Tony returns with a medium sized stack of shirts, pants, and a pair of boxers. 

“Oh thanks.” Steve smiles when Tony places the clothes on the edge of the bed for Steve to grab. “Um..where’s the bathroom?” Once Steve was on his feet he turned back around to face Tony who was still shirtless. 

“To your left.” Tony responds and points, giving Steve a sense of direction. 

Steve enters the master bathroom and locks the door behind him, giving him some privacy. Steve looks around the room completely taken back on the size of it. He thought that Tony’s room was huge but now that he sees the bathroom he takes back what he said. 

“Holy shit.” Steve breathes when he makes his way to the bathtub, and shower. The thought of going in the bath crosses his mind, since he’s now remembering that he’s sticky. He glances over at the little closet hoping that there was a towel so he doesn’t have to use Tony’s. He sighs happily when he reaches for the dark blue towel, and he later gets in the shower since the bath might trigger his back problems. 

As Tony was about to say something to Steve, a soft knock caught his attention. Tony got up to see who it was, before he did he shot a glance at the bathroom door. He thought about how Steve looked before he entered the bathroom. He was red, and sweaty, probably more red than he normally should be the last time he saw him. But Tony told himself that he shouldn’t worry and that Steve was alright. He attended to the door since he heard someone sigh angrily and another knock. 

“Tony you had a press conference three hours ago! Do you ever brother picking up the phone, I left you countless texts!” 

“Pep keep your voice down _ he’s _ in the bathroom over there.” Tony gently rubs the blond’s shoulders trying to quiet her so she doesn’t disturb Steve. 

“Wait as in him, _ him _? As in Steve, him or another him?” Pepper asks in a whisper when Tony let go of her shoulders. 

“Yes as in Steve alright, that’s why I couldn’t make it to the meeting.” Tony grins when Pepper rolls her eyes. “Okay that’s the reason I couldn’t make it today, I’m a very busy guy Pepper.” 

“Oka-” Pepper tries to finish her comeback but she’s soon interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening. Pepper didn’t have enough time to run away and Tony was distracted with Steve to realize she was still there. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t know Tony had guests over. I should get going anyways.” Steve said once he was completely out of the room, and when he shut the door behind him. 

“Uh-what guests?” Tony asks and closes the door before Steve could leave. A loud goan was heard from the other side of the door followed by the sound of footsteps walking away. 

“O-okay.” Steve walks to the bed and sits down since the pain in his feet soon returned. Tony follows him and takes a seat next to him. When Steve feels the bed dip he looks over at Tony and smiles. He smiles because he feels at ease with Tony sitting next to him. He has everything he ever wanted here in this room; his daughter, and Tony. It felt like they were a family. 

“You know I meant what I said earlier.” Steve takes a deep breath and looks down at his hands that are placed on his bump. It distracted him from examining Tony’s facial expressions. When he didn’t hear Tony say anything he thought it’s safe to remove his glaze from his hands, and look over at Tony. “About being in _ her _ life, you are her father just like I am.” His words were really simple, it just felt different to hear it coming from Steve. 

And just like that the tight achy feeling he got in his chest before was now long gone, it was replaced with a feeling Tony is unfamiliar with; Hope.

Steve fell asleep in Tony's arms, and Tony was able to get some sleep for once

**OoO**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i was planning to just have nine chapters, but I think I might do ten instead. Pls tell me if y'all want nine or ten chapters!
> 
> also sorry the sex scene sucked, im lesbian lol.


	9. All I do is say that these arms were made for holding you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so all good things must come to an end...
> 
> also i’m like r e a l l y upset today, cause I was supposed to see THE Harry Styles in concert today😔✌️(June 26th) 
> 
> Also pretend I posted this last week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -graphic details of birth  
\- blood  
-male lactation  
-drug use  
-mentions of past abuse. kidnapping, and brain wash  
-mentions or past overdose and past suicide  
-slight mentions of past abuse

_June_

-

Steve and Tony's relationship began to get stronger each time Steve would come over. It was to the point where they had sex a couple more times, maybe not so frequent since Steve's body was currently trying to prepared for birth. There have been a couple labor scares, all ending in Tony overreacting and forcing him to the nearest hospital. Each time Steve grew more and more irritated because he was sick of being pregnant. He was of course is excited for their daughter to come (who was also nameless), Steve just wants the pain to end. 

It didn't help that Bucky was still missing and that Sam was going back to his old habits. Steve felt like he was a teenager again and Tony didn't know how to help him. Every time he tries to talk to Steve about Bucky, Steve just gets upset and more stressed. He wants to forgive Bucky because at the end of the day it was the right thing to do. But then he's reminded of what he did to his parents and soon the pain he felt returns. When he first found out the news of his parent's death Tony was happy because Howard's beatings would finally come to an end. Then he remembers that he lost his mother and soon enough the pain he felt now came back. The only thing Tony felt that calmed him was being in his lab, Tony spent late nights and early mornings there. He only chose a handful of people to talk about what he makes down there excluding Steve. He feels bad about keeping things from him but then again Steve probably does the same. Tony just builds new things for his company for Pepper to sell, and for his friends to try out. Bruce, and his husband, Thor comes over sometimes and the three hand out, talking about things that has happened recently. Sometimes Rodey and his family stops by so they all can have a little barbecue. But that was weeks ago. The truth is Tony hasn't spoke to any of his friends since the day they came over to assemble the nursery, the same day Steve came over unannounced.

Late at night when Steve falls asleep in Tony's arms, he can't help but think about what his life was before Steve. And how reckless he was and in some ways how he still is that way. In his dreams he's forced to not only think about Howard and the traumatic things he did to him, but also about his doubts. Prior to Steve coming into his life Tony had only the company to worry about, but now he has Steve and their daughter. Not once did Tony ever voice his thoughts to Steve because he doesn't want him to think that Tony wanted them to leave. If anything Tony finally feels whole with them, it's like they put Tony's broken pieces back together. The mess Tony called his life began to clear up and was soon replaced with a chance for a fresh start. That's something he could never repay Steve.

He gave Tony a purpose. 

"T-Tony?" Steve's voice helped Tony to come back to reality so he could aid Steve. 

"Hey hey, what's wrong?" Tony asks Steve when he opens his eyes to see him standing on Tony's side of the bed. He first thought Steve was probably having braxton hicks or he wanted Tony to run to a store because he was having another late night craving. Once Tony's vision cleared up he could sense that something was wrong he just hoped that everything was alright. 

"It's Bucky. He's back." Steve sighs realseing the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Fuck, where is he?" Tony questions soon locking his eyes with Steve's teared filled ones. Steve pulls his phone out of his zip up and pulls up Sam's text message. 

Sam: '_Bucky's back room 19 at Rockwell hospital'_

"Well I guess _we_ should head over." Tony says getting up from the bed, walking past Steve on his way to the bathroom. Steve rolls his eyes as he watches Tony change into something since he thought he was going alone. Steve should have known that Tony would never let him go alone if it involved Bucky or not. He wants to say something when Tony finishes but he doesn't know what to say and he fears that it might cause an argument to start. 

"Are you..uh sure you want to come and see him?" Steve finds his voice once they get into Tony's car. To say that Tony was taken back was true but it was a understatement. Tony is still trying to see through Bucky and understand that what he did wasn't his doing.

"Yeah I suppose. It was in the past, it shouldn't matter anymore." Tony sighs examining the keys in his hands to try and stabilize himself from getting more upset. It worked because soon enough he doesn't hear Steve scoff, or sigh signaling another fight. This time it's quiet, and peaceful for once and it felt nice.

The rest of the drive consisted of Tony making Steve listen to Led Zeppelin and AC/DC songs. Steve jokingly makes fun of his music taste and soon enough Tony hands him the aux cord so he has a chance to play his music. Soon enough Frank Sinatra began to play in the speaker, and it was Tony's turn to make fun of Steve. But he didn't since he saw how peaceful Steve was, how for the first time in months Tony saw him at ease. Steve sat there tapping along to the beat of the song and quietly hums to the song. Tony sees the way his t-shirt was struggling to cover his stomach since the size of his stomach was big, he could see it peek out of his zip up that was barely closed all the way. Tony knows that Steve is at the edge of his seat to meet their daughter since pregnancy isn't easy on anyone no matter their backgrounds. Steve was diffidently one of the people who's pregnancy wasn't easy but he never complained not once well he never voiced his pain. However Tony know he's suffering and it hurts to know that he can't do anything about it. 

But then he remembers that all this will be worth it in the end. Because they'll be parents, and fuck that's something neither of them would ever want to change. 

**OoO**

_Late May_

_-_

When Bucky finally put the clues together about who Tony truly was he felt relived. He could breathe easily without thinking about him, he could put his thoughts to rest. 

Or so that's what he thought. When Tony stormed out that night Bucky felt a bit of guilt since he was the reason the night was ruined. Then to make matters worse Bucky couldn't stop the flashbacks from happening. It's like that last five years are catching up to him. And there's no stopping it.

Somehow he's not in control of his body it was like he was on autopilot. Each step he takes buries him deeper into his mind. He's trapped in his mind once again but this time he doesn't have Sam or Steve to rely on. Soon enough Bucky's feet comes to a haul in front of an abandon building that's ten stories high.

"What the hell." He somehow found his voice and got in control of something. He doesn't recognize where he is at first but soon when he approaches the door memories fill his mind. Suddenly the blood chilling screams of a man fill his ears and the door opens. Bucky's curiosity takes over him as he enters the first room. The screams he heard earlier get louder as he reaches the elevator that surprising works. The shoulder pain he hasn’t felt for years came back when he enters the room, this time it wasn't avoidable. Then the pain shifted from his shoulder to his lower stomach, it grew stronger traveling throughout his body. It was like he's getting teared into two since the pain was so intense he falls onto his knees gripping his stomach.

He collapses onto the concrete laying there for hours.

**OoO**

_A few weeks ago_ ****

-

It wasn't until days later did someone find Bucky unconscious.

Sam was the first to know since they looked over Bucky's medical reports, to see that the two were married.

Sam was by his side for days waiting for him to wake up, he even talked to him about his day or what was new. The doctor told him that they are still running over his stats since they still don't know what's causing the mild internal bleeding. But he didn't once wake up, the good news was that he was stable. 

That's when Sam thought it was time to notify Steve and tell him the news. In the back of his mind he knew that telling Steve the news about Bucky would give him more unneeded stress. But then he thought it was better to tell him now when things were okay, then having to tell him that they lost Bucky. Before Sam got his phone out and told Steve, he went back home to freshen up since Steve would dash to the hospital the second Sam told him the news. When Sam opened the front door he was slammed in the face with the memories of last month. He could hear the converstion him and Steve had after Bucky ran out. He remembers Steve's cries, and his own words of encouragement, and the sounds of the street traffic.

Most importantly he remembers how silent the house was after Steve left Sam alone for the first time in days. Steve and Tony worked things out later that week, but Sam didn't. He was forced to sleep in his bed alone without Bucky's embrace. Without Bucky being there Sam let his negative thoughts come into his mind, he welcomed them with arms wide open. It didn't stop there unfortunately. Each night he spent alone caused he to take another step closer to giving into his old habits.

Three days before Bucky was admitted to the hospital, Sam gave in. He craved the feeling of relief and relaxation he felt the first time Bucky was taken. Instead this time he didn't get that feeling, It was like the drugs had no effected on him. Later that night when Sam felt hundred percent sober the hospital called Sam and told him that had some news about Bucky. He told them that he's coming, and that two family members will be joining him. 

That's when he texted Steve the address and drove to the hospital and waited for Steve to get there. 

**OoO**

"It would be convenient if you went into labor now." Tony whisperers to Steve once they enter the elevator. Steve gives him a smile but returns his focus on the flashing buttons on his side of the elevator increasing, reaching Bucky's floor. Tony continues to ramble about something Steve would be interested in if they weren't at the hospital about to see Bucky unconscious again. When the elevator doors opened Steve runs (to the best of his ability) towards Bucky's room while Tony follows behind. Tony calls for Steve, telling him to slow down but Steve just speeds up, only slowing down to read the door numbers. 

"This is the one." Steve turns around to see Tony about four to five doors down speed walking towards him. 

"Ye-ah I see that, wow you're fast even when you're carrying an extra twenty pounds." Tony struggles to catch his breath.

"I was on the track team in high school. I could have gone faster though." Steve grins looking down at Tony who's hunched over. 

"That's fucking impossible." Tony stands up straight with his hands on his hips. Steve smiles once again getting lost in the moment. When Tony's breathing goes back to normal, he looks around and sees that they are at the hospital hallway.

"Holy shit! Bucky." Steve panics and unlocked the door he looks to his right to see Sam sitting on a chair holding Bucky's lifeless hand. 

“Hey guys,” Sam grins sadly looking at the couple for the first time in a month. He stares at Tony a bit longer since the last memory he has of him, was the one of him yelling at Bucky. When he blinks he then lets go of Bucky’s hand and makes he way towards Steve. They embrace while Tony stands there with his hands deep into the pockets of his sweatpants. A couple seconds pass and Sam lets out a muffed sob followed by a deep sigh. Steve whispers something to him that’s unclear to Tony. 

As the two share a moment together Tony takes another look at Bucky’s lifeless body. He looks a bit paler than when they met that night. His hair is significantly shorter than last time and the bruises on his face are now a light yellow. There’s a cut on his lip that’s covered in a large badge bandage, he’s also wearing a breathing mask. His one and only flesh arm is restrained on the handles of the hospital bed. Tony feels a bit of sympathy for being the root of Bucky’s problems.

”What’s wrong with Buck, Sam?” Steve and Sam finally let go of each other and make their way to where Tony is standing. Tony looks over at Steve who gave him a light smile and then extends his hand. Tony gives him a tight squeeze hopefully helping him calm down. 

“I don’t fucking know shit. The doctor just gave me a call telling me to come over. Cause she has some important news. I-I just couldn’t be alone..if she told me something bad. I want him to be fine.” Sam cries out again this time he drops his head onto Bucky’s restrained arm. Steve lets go of Tony’s hold and then rubs Sam’s back once more trying to calm him down again. The cries become more violent the sound echo in Tony’s ears making his head spin.

“Is everything alright in here?” The sound of the door opening and a woman’s voice makes Tony come to reality. Sam gets up from his seat and wipes away his tears, Steve stands next to Tony again. 

“Hello, my name is Steve i’m Sam’s brother.” Steve tells the new person in the room. She makes a confused face which makes Steve smile. “_Adopted_ brother.” She then nods slowly and puts her attention on Bucky who’s still asleep.

”How’s Mr. Barnes-Wilson doing today Sam?” She looks over Bucky vitals making sure nothing has changed in the last few hours.

”He’s still not okay yet doc. But what was it that you wanted to tell me?” Sam remembers the phone call the two had before he came back.

”Ah yes, _that_.” She throws away her used gloves and looks at the three men in the room. She then notices Tony and how he’s somewhat hiding behind Steve. 

“Hey I know you!”

“You do?” Tony and Steve ask at the same time. She nods again and laughs.

”Yeah! Aren’t you Tony Stark owner of _Stark Industries?” _The three of them sigh and Sam rolls his eyes. 

“Okay we get it he’s like _super rich_!” Sam yells out. “But can we focus on my husband who is in a fucking coma!” Everyone in the room stands straight and looks at Sam and then back at the doctor. 

“Mr. Wilson, nothing is wrong with your husband. _He’s just five months pregnant._” She smiles again looking over his charts to find the page about his bloodwork. 

“I’m sorry but did you said he’s pregnant!” Steve questions raising his voice since he was taken off guard. No one was expecting for her to say that. 

“There’s no way he can be pregnant! Bucky is infertile he cannot have a baby! Fuck we can’t have one, we’ve been trying for literal years.” Sam could not tell if this was some kind of sick prank, or a dream. He hopes that it’s real because the thought of having a baby with Bucky, is all he could think about. 

“But it’s possible that the trauma he has gone through in the past days. May have got the gears running again.” The doctor begins to explain she then writes some more things on her clipboard.

“So what you’re telling me is, that Bucky is pregnant, like a baby is growing inside of him. Just like me?” Steve sits down on Sam’s chair.

“Gentlemen, believe it or not but some point in Mr. Barnes-Wilson’s life he had a uterus but it was shortly terminated after the physical labor he went through. But now it’s back and _he _is perfectly healthy and his survival rate is now ninety percent.” 

“Excuse me-but did you say that I have a son?” Sam suddenly feels like all the air in his lungs vanished. His brain was foggy and it was becoming difficult to stand straight. Before he could fall onto the ground Tony reaches for him and lays him on the couch near the window. Tony manages to find a brown paper bag. He gives it to Sam once he sees that his eyes open.

“There you go champ, nice and slow. Breathe in and out.” Tony instructs. “Now I know the feeling of just finding out that you’re having a kid. My best advice don’t freak out too much. Try and focus on the baby and the momma-to-be alright?” Sam nods and close his eyes, that gives Tony the clue to return back to Steve and the doctor. Steve is still sitting down but this time he’s starring at Bucky again. 

“I’ll come back later for another checkup.” She shows herself out leaving them all alone in the room. Soon enough Sam’s breathing returns to normal and Steve and him switch seats. Tony and Steve cuddle together on the small but comfortable couch. 

“You know, now would be a good time to think about her name. Who knows how much more time we have left.” Steve lays his head under Tony’s chin. Tony thought he had under control, from the nursery to car seats. The only thing that he missed was her _actual_ name. Since he called her various nicknames; squirt, little lady, Tony jr (Steve hates that one).

”Huh I didn’t even think about that.” Tony confesses and he then feels Steve scoff.

”So your telling me that you were prepared to call her _Squirt Stark_ for the rest of her life?” Steve sits up and turns around to face Tony. Tony’s smile quickly disappears when he finally comprehends what Steve said. 

“Hold up,” Now it’s his turn to sit straight and question Steve. “You want her to have my last name?” Tony asks with tears in his eyes, he was taken back by Steve’s response. Before Steve would say something or even joke about how soft Tony is getting. A loud gasp comes from Sam, followed by a raspy man’s voice.

“What’s going on?” The familiar voice comes from the left side of the room. Tony and Steve jumps up and makes their way next to Sam. Once again Tony stands behind Steve feeling unwelcome. The three of them look down at Bucky who’s bloodshot eyes finally opened. Sam softly grips his flesh arm trying to calm him down from feeling overwhelmed. It seems to work because soon enough the rattling sounds of the chains hitting the bed handles stop. Bucky then blinks a few times trying to come to terms of reality. 

“Sam what’s wrong with me? Why am I here?” Bucky looks around the hospital room as tears fall down his face. The fear he felt days ago was gone it was soon replaced with confusion. His mind is all mushy and it’s like nothing is there. The only memory he has is the leftovers of the biology test he took earlier the week before HYDRA’s torturing’s. He doesn’t remember the argument he had with Tony, or that Steve is pregnant, or that he’s pregnant himself.

“Do you not remember what happened last month?” Sam questions suddenly getting worried that Bucky’s mind was back to (somewhat) normal. That was a good thing but it was also a bad thing because all of Sam’s progress was deleted. So now he has to go through the last few memories once again. He only hopes that this will be the last time. 

“Holy shit Steve you got pregnant and taller!” Bucky smiles for the first time in literal days. Steve gives him a fake smile. He then bites the insides of his cheeks trying to hold back the sob from escaping his lips. Bucky then sees an older fellow next to Steve. There’s a voice in the back of his head that tells him that he should know this man. Soon enough they lock eyes.

“Wait. Do you know who I am?” Tony ask looking Bucky dead in the eyes his curiosity taking over him.

“No, are you one of Steve’s friends from his college?” Bucky says unsure of himself that gives Tony all the information he needs. He doesn’t brother to correct him.

So it was final Bucky didn’t remember the last few days. The same doctor from earlier came in and took him to have some tests done. Sam came with since having both Tony and Steve there might disrupt Bucky from focusing. Once they said their farewells the two went to the cafeteria. Steve and Tony walked around the hallways trying to waste time before Bucky was done. 

**OoO**

Soon four hours passes by and there was nothing on Bucky. The last time Sam updated them was almost an hour ago. Tony did what he could to try and distract Steve from feeling anxious. Because if Steve was stressed then the baby could be at risk. 

“How about we walk around again?” Tony suggests seeing that Steve was seconds away from tears. The two of them felt useless.

“I might sound a bit rude,” Steve guides the two into a empty and unused room. Once Tony shuts the door they sit down on the edge of the bed. Steve sighs because sitting down on something that isn’t plastic for the first time in hours helped the pain in his back.

“Don’t you think having you around might trigger Bucky to have another breakdown?” Tony bites his tongue and looks back at the door feeling Steve remove his own hand from Tony’s. When Tony looks back at Steve he makes the same face he used when he showed up unannounced. Meaning they might have another fight then the peace streak they had would vanish. Deep down Steve knew it was too good to be true. 

“I mean i’m having doubts about being this close to him again. I don’t want to be the reason he disappears again. I did enough.” Tony stands up when Steve reaches for him to try and give him a hug. He isn’t the type of person to be cradled like a kid. If he felt any emotion he’ll push the feelings down and focus on something important. Even now with his _family_ next to him he still feels uncomfortable. He knows Steve means well and all he wants is for his friend and boyfriend to get along. Since he doesn’t plan on losing any of them.

“Tony I know you feel like all of this is your fault. But it’s not. Bucky was already fucked up before you met him.” Steve tells Tony.

“I know that, but I can’t help but feel bad for the guy.” 

“Don’t worry about him Tony. He’ll be fine and I know he’s sorry about what he did to your folks. I’m sure he would take it back if he could.” Steve rests his palm on Tony’s shoulder. His stomach presses against his back, Tony can’t help but smile when he feels a soft nudge come from Steve’s stomach.

“Steve, I forgive him. Hell I’m kind of glad he did it.” Tony turns his body around and grabs both of Steve’s hand.

“Why? Did you not like them?” Steve does what he could to limit talk about Tony’s past since he knows that he’s not comfortable talking about it. 

“I loved them I truly did. It was just my father that was the problem. Thankfully my mother was a saint.” 

“If you don’t mind he asking what he did.” Steve knew there was something wrong with Howard. The way his own father praised him when he was younger was weird. Everything Steve’s father liked Steve obviously disliked.

”Well I’ll tell you one thing he wasn’t the caring type. He did things that no child should have gone through. So when I heard about the crash I felt freedom. For the first time in my life Howard wasn’t breathing down my neck watching my every move.” Steve knew what Tony was referring to. Tony kept looking down at Steve’s bump since thinking about his unborn daughter was more comforting than talking about his childhood abuse. 

“My parents died when I was a kid. The only difference was he overdosed and my ma killed herself in front of me. When my pop alive he did the same thing to me.” Just like Tony, Steve never told another soul about what their fathers did to them. 

“I’m so scared that I won’t be a good father. What if I end up like him? What would I do if she gets our childhood?” Steve begins to cry his thoughts we’re buildings up inside of him and just now they finally released. 

“We won’t treat her like our father’s Steve. We’ll be different I promise.”

Steve doesn’t say anything he just throws his head onto Tony’s chest and sobs. Tony wraps his arms around Steve and rubs Steve’s back trying to calm him. 

Steve’s life felt complete all he needed was to go into labor and have the baby. She seems to read Steve’s mind and sends a hard kick under his bellybutton. They laugh for a long time and Tony even jokes that she’ll end up being a soccer player with how hard she’s kicking. 

Because Tony is dramatic his kid is bound to act the same way. So when the peaceful moment the two were having was no longer about the baby. Steve and grips his stomach as he feels a pain travel down his back and to his legs. Soon after Tony ask if Steve was alright a loud popping sound comes from Steve followed by a gush of water fall onto the tile floor.

“Oh fuck,” Steve moans when the pain (that he know realizes is a contraction) gets stronger and more liquid drips out of him.

“Shit it’s baby time!” Tony holds Steve’s arm and guides them out of the room and into the elevator. 

**OoO**

_Six Hours later_

“Tony I already told you; you can let your friends in. It’s alright with me.” Steve tells Tony again.

“But are you sure, you’re sure? I don’t want the birthing vibe to be off. Those are very important you know.” Tony tries his best to make sure he’s not overstepping the line. Steve sighs again and looks back at Tony one more time. 

“It’s just four more people Tony. I can handle that I swear. I promise i’ll tell you if i’m uncomfortable okay?”

”Alright.” Soon enough four faces Steve has met before comes into the room. It makes him think about Sam and Bucky and how Bucky knows about his own baby. Maybe they might come over and visit Steve, or maybe he could come to them. 

All that doesn’t matter now since he’s currently meeting Tony’s friends and in the middle of giving birth. 

“Hello Steve, I’m Bruce and this is my husband Thor.” A older man with dark brown hair and a purple button up walks towards Steve’s bed. A taller long hair blond man, Thor stands behind him holding a bouquet of flowers and three pink bright balloons. Steve sees two more people standing near Tony. A middle age dark skinned man is holding a ‘it’s a girl!’ ballon while a younger women is currently talking to Tony. There’s a colorful large wrapped box near her feet, and she’s holding a smaller light pink gift bag.

Before Steve could ask what was in the box he lets out sob as another contraction courses through him. He’s lying on his side, gripping the railings.

“I gotta push,” it was barely a whisper that came out of Steve along with some grunts. Everyone in the room grows quiet when Steve’s moans get louder. 

“No Steve you can't, that baby has to cook up there a little longer.” Rodey also the guy who was standing near the door suddenly snapped into action, he ran outside to get a nurse. Tony stood there looking down at Steve, whose face is dripping of sweat from the pain of the contractions and pushing he’s currently doing. Steve’s hands were gripping the bars of the bed like his life depended on it. Bruce and Thor slowly moves towards the back of the room.

“Are you still fond of going through your own human pregnancy when this is your fate?” Thor asks Bruce when Rodey walks back in. Bruce shakes his head from side to side, taking back his dreams about having kids.

A wave of relief went through Tony as he quietly sent a prayer to God. Thanking him that Tony’s hands were not in the bar’s position. 

Right before Tony was going to suggest some breathing exercises the same nurse walks through the door Rodey behind him. 

“Okay Mr. Rogers let’s see what’s going on down here.” It took every bone in Steve’s body to fight the urge to push. 

“Ther-es..too..much pressure.” Steve said as tears formed in his bloodshot eyes. Everyone looks at the nurse hoping that he’ll have some good news that will end Steve’s misery, stop Tony from feeling anxious. After a few seconds the nurse whose name is Adam began to remove his gloves so he could get a proper look at group.

“So there is good news and some bad news,” Adam began and continued after no one said anything “so you are still seven centimetres. But I got the news that the anesthesiologist finally came in. So if you want to get the epidural so you all can get some rest, and it could speed up some things. I can easily get them and you’ll ge-” 

“I’m okay, thanks.” Steve sighed and fell back onto the bed with his eyes closed. Without saying another word Pepper walked Adam out and closed the door behind him slightly giving him a _thanks _and _we’ll call if we need anything else _. 

“Thanks Pep.” Tony says, his trust for Pepper definitely grew these past few years. Steve gives her a nod since talking was painful at this point. 

The hours that followed were not as quiet as the previous one. But no matter how many times Steve’s doctor and all the billions of nurses told Tony that this means it’s only a step closer to having the baby he still worried for Steve. This is the same Steve that went through months of mental and physical pain growing _their _baby. Tony still feels a pag of regret each time Steve structures up his face in pain or whenever he hears him cry for something as simple as a break. 

But Tony can’t do anything but watch because anything he does won’t end Steve’s everlasting pain. 

“I’ll get you some more ice chips honey. And then i’ll get these boys out of here so you two can get some sleep.” Pepper stands up from her chair. 

“Thank you Pepper.” Steve smiles at her and hands her the small bucket. Tony then gives Steve the other bucket that’s meant to be there incase he feels sick. A couple minutes later Pepper returned and gave Steve some more ice chips. She kept her promise and forced the three men out of the room. The room was quiet again. Steve was able to sleep since the contractions weren’t too bad yet, and were seven minutes apparently. Tony couldn’t sleep even with Steve in his arms. The environment he’s in wasn’t good for his current mental state. He feels overjoyed that he’ll be able to meet their daughter in a matter of time. That’s the only thing he could think about the last few months. It was just all too fast. So as Steve slept Tony stayed up and rubs circles on his hospital grown. He thought about what she would look like, and what she’s could sound like. He hoped that she got Steve’s crystal blue eyes and his blond hair. 

_‘This is going to be one long night.’ _Tony thought when a couple more hours past. 

**OoO**

When Steve woke up the pain he felt earlier was long gone and this time it was stronger. Breathing through them was harder and even talking was a difficult task. Getting more sleep was no longer possible and the ice chips were useless. Steve curled up into a ball on the bed as Tony massages his back. 

“Are we still staying true to your birth plan I hope?” Doctor Maine walks in right as Steve finishes with another contraction (they are now four minutes apart). “Well hello sir! You didn’t tell me you brought a guest.” Doctor Maine then gently uncurls Steve from his ball shape and gets him onto his back. 

“This is Tony, the father of the baby. Tony this is Doctor Maine, my Doctor.” Steve says his first sentence in minutes. They then shake hands before he could check Steve.

“How much longer?” Steve squeezes his eyes shut since the pressure he feels grows stronger. Tony lets him grip his hand as hard as he wants since that’s the only thing Tony could do.

”Steve you are now eight centimeters!” Doctor Maine then removes his used gloves and stands up. “But I want to perform one last ultrasound because I want to look at everything one last time.” He tells the couple as he removes his gloves. Steve returns to the ball shape once he knows it’s safe.

”Is everything alright Doctor?” Tony couldn’t help but ask wanting to make sure everything was still going according to plan. 

“I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with your baby. Steve is just almost at the finish line, so I want to double check everything. That’s all.” He answers honestly and once he gives Tony the answer he needs. He walks out to get the ultrasound equipment and a nurse. That meant that they were left in silence once again but this time Tony didn’t dwell on negative thoughts he thought about seeing his daughter again. When he went with Steve last month he could only see her for a couple minutes. Since it was a busy day and having an ultrasound wasn’t mandatory for that checkup. So now was his first actual chance to take in all her details and try and see if she looks more like him or Steve. 

Doctor Maine and an assistant nurse walked in the room and the machine running. He got Steve out of his ball shape and back onto his back. They then applied the cold gel onto Steve’s swollen stomach. Tony sat still he thought if he did anything as breathe too loud then this would all disappear.

Because it was too good to be true.

He never thought he would he would be in his early twenties and be sitting on a plastic chair. In a hospital waiting for a doctor to show him a somewhat clear image of his daughter. And then soon enough his boyfriend would push their child out and into this world. 

“And if you’ll look here,” Doctor Maine points to an area on the dark computer screen. “you can see that she’s in the perfect birthing position!”

It may have been a weird first impression on Tony’s behalf. But it was enough. Seeing her on a screen and then looking down at Steve’s stomach was more than enough for him.

For as long as Tony could remember he didn’t feel love for anyone. He liked his mom, but he didn’t feel any love for her. When he met Steve at the bar he definitely felt something there but that wasn’t love. At the time. Tony obviously loves Steve now not just because he’s carrying their daughter. But because Steve is perfect for Tony. Sure at times Steve could be pushy and kind of annoying. But he also understands Tony, and no one ever has. He feels alone but Steve knows that feeling so he’s able to work with him. And also help him that isn’t at all like a therapist and more like a normal human. 

“Tony are you crying?” Steve smiles taking his eyes off the ultrasound screen. Normally Tony would say something sarcastic to masks his feelings once again. This time he smiles as more tears streamed down his face. 

“I fucking love you Steve.” Tony didn’t give a shit if it’s still fucking early into their relationship. He loves him and always will even if Steve was no longer in his life. Tony will still love him no matter what. And Steve felt the same way, he wants Tony in his life. He meant it the first time he told Tony and he means it now. 

“Marry me.” Steve knows what he’s doing. When Steve saw Tony again after being separated for five months something shifted inside of him. It wasn’t his stupid hormones. Having Tony in his life was supposed to be his fate. When he dreams he dreams about raising his daughter with Tony. He wants to sleep next to Tony and hold him in his arms. He wants to do everything in his ability to make himself Tony’s. Cause his love is all his wants, and sharing that love with their daughter is the right thing to do.

_“Yes.” _Tony doesn’t think over his response since it’s what he truly wants. The time he spent with Steve made him feel happiness something he didn’t care about. Marrying Steve and officially becoming a family is what he wants.

“Oh my I hate to ruin this heartfelt moment, but I do believe I see the baby’s head!” The nurse shouts glaring at Steve’s hole that was now at ten centimeters.

Soon more nurses filled up the room and Steve began to bare down and push. At some point Tony got up from his chair and helped hold one of Steve’s thighs. 

Two more hours pasted by and Steve made no little to no progress. 

“Come on Steve push” A nurse encouraged Steve who’s covered in sweat and tears. He’s been pushing for almost two hours. His and the baby’s health was dropping. Tony stood next to him trying to help Steve breathe through it. Tony once again felt useless. He could just provide Steve with a simple hand and smile. As he did all the dirty work. Even if Steve didn’t complain Tony still couldn’t help by feel guilty. 

“The head’s almost got Steve, just a few more strong pushes alright! Can you do that for me?” Doctor Maine tried to reason with Steve. 

“I’m fucking doing my best doc!” Steve snaps throwing his head back onto the mountain of pillows. Steve was beginning to feel no more energy. His cheerful attitude was long gone as he felt his skin tear after each push. And the contraction were never ending and more painful. 

“Morgan, that’s her name.” Tony knew Steve needed some kind of encouragement. Maybe giving another name suggestion might help Steve deliver the rest of the baby.

”What?” Steve doesn’t move his head from the pillows, suddenly catching a break. 

“Morgan Stark! That’s the baby’s name Steve.” Tony grins enjoying the way it rolls off then tongue. It felt right. “Well we won’t know for certain. Since I want to see her and see if it suits her.”

”I hate that Tony.” 

“Well maybe it will grow on you.”

“Steve I need you to push here, your daughter’s life is on the line.” Doctor Maine reminds Steve again looking over the monitors. 

“O-okay, fuck.” Steve then gives another push this time he pushes just in time for another contraction. 

“Great the head’s out! Take a quick breather the next part is fast. You’ll have your baby in no time.” 

_‘Nine months of pain and this is what I fucking get?’ _Steve thinks to himself when he begins to push again. 

Then as if it couldn’t get an worse soon the ring of fire begins. Steve no longer cared if the strangers in the room heard him cry and scream. Giving birth fucking hurts. 

“I’m tired.” Steve stops pushing again when one shoulder comes out. His body shakes as he sobs and his gown was covered in a combination of tears and sweat. Along with his tears, blood was seeping out of him and dangerous fast. His breathing was becoming labored so he was required to wear a breathing mask for his safety. Steve couldn’t say anything since his blood loss was interfering with his ability to stay awake. 

“Steve you have to stay awake a little longer. The baby is almost out, just one more push. Can you do that for me?” Tony holds Steve’s face and gives him very light slaps on his cheeks to try and wake him up. 

“Mmm? I’mm a little sleepy Tony.” Steve shuts his eyes again but then he soon opens them when he feels the pain of a contraction. His body goes against his mental state. Steve lets his urge to push take over him. 

Steve then hears silence so he guesses that he’s probably passed out. But then a loud piercing cry breaks the silence. Steve forces his eyes to open and whenever he does he sees a large red blob. But it’s moving and he vision clears up. So he can fully realize, that the thing on his chest is his daughter.

”Hi there little girl.” Every bone in his body is telling him to close his eyes and fall into a deep slumber. Sleeping seems impossible when there’s a newborn baby resting on chest. 

“I guess she doesn’t look like a Morgan?” When Tony was done with cutting the umbilical cord. He was able to get a clear view of her. Steve nods too busy rubbing her dark brown curls and pink chubby arm rolls. 

“Sarah.” As Steve looks down at her, he can’t help but notice how she looks similar to his mother. The only thing that was off was her dark hair and eye shape. “Sarah Stark.” Steve looks up at Tony seeing tears run down his face once again. 

“It’s perfect Mr. Stark.” Tony reminds Steve that he proposed to him earlier. 

“Oh God I can’t believe i’m married to your daddy! We’re in for it now.” Steve jokes and smiles. The two parents gush over Sarah for a couple more minutes. After Steve successfully delivers placenta a nurse comes and takes her so she can weigh and measure her.

Steve falls asleep to the image of Tony doing skin to skin with her. 

**OoO**

Sleep came easy to Steve, not because giving birth was exhausting. It was because when he woke up he was greeted by his daughter and fiancé. He was finally a parent! It took nine months of mental and physical pain. And over twenty hours of labor with an additional three hours of pushing for Sarah to get here. It was so worth it to see Tony asleep on a couch clutching a small light pink bundle. Steve knew about Tony’s sleeping issues and how his PTSD got in the way of him relaxing. So seeing him sleeping peacefully while holding their newborn daughter made Steve tear up.

Steve then feels the need to freeze this moment and have it engraved in his mind forever. So he reaches for his cellphone that’s on the table to his right. He then tries his best to stay quiet and take the photo. When Steve successfully takes the picture he sees Sarah squirms on Tony’s shirtless chest. Steve gets urge to get up and hold her again. But then Tony notices her movements and slowly rubs her back to try and calm her. 

“Squirt calm down, we don’t want to wake _papa_ up.” Tony continues to calm her down but soon her cries grow louder. Making Tony look over at Steve for some help. Tony sighs in relief when he sees that Steve is no longer sleeping. He then makes his way to Steve and gives him Sarah. Before Steve could make fun of Tony for calling him ‘papa’. He looks down Tony’s shirtless body and sees his fit and flat stomach. Unlike Steve, who definitely put on a lot more weight than he wanted. He feels envious of Tony’s good looking body but then Steve looks back down at his daughter. She circles around Steve’s pecks waiting for Steve to guide her and feed her.

“Why am I papa?” Steve asks once Sarah is secure under his gown. 

“It kind of came to be when I woke up. But if you want to be called dad, i’m fine with that.” Tony says because he wants Steve to be comfortable. And if being called papa isn’t for him then Tony doesn’t mind. Steve doesn’t really mind being called papa, it kind of grew on him. So changing it now doesn’t make sense but then again it’s not like Sarah could talk. 

“I don’t mind Tony. I kind of like it. But we have time for her to decide.” Steve rests his bed against the pillows the room is fairly quiet since Sarah is kind of a fast and noisy eater. Tony takes this time to text everyone in the waiting room. He gets a few calls and around a million texts and both Tony and Steve thank everyone. Once Sarah falls asleep on Steve´s chest a soft knock on the door is heard. They look at each other confused but Tony gets up to unlock the door. 

A nurse came in to give the new parents some tips. And she comes in with a Sarah’s birth certificate.

”What is this lovely lady’s name?” She asks the couple. 

“Well is Sarah Stark fine with you Tony?” Steve makes sure that Tony still likes the name. 

“Shouldn’t she have a middle name? I mean we both have one so I think it’s right to continue that.” Tony makes his point very clear trying his best to convince Steve. 

“Sorry give us another minute,” Steve tells the nurse who patiently waits. “Well what do you have in mind?” 

“Hope?” Tony doesn’t take long because this name has been in his head for a long time. Tony had this name in his mind because Sarah and Steve gave him hope. A reason to keep fighting, and never give up since he has a true family waiting for him. When he feels like the end is near he is then filled with hope. And his feelings drift away. Since Morgan didn’t suit her Tony hopes Steve agrees with this suggestion. Steve doesn’t seem to disagree and soon he gives Tony a nod. 

“I like that, Sarah Hope Stark. That’s her name.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if i really like the name. I chose that because I seen almost everyone use the names "Peter" or "Morgan" and sure I love that they do that, I really do. It's just I wanted her name to have a meaning behind it that refers to the fic. Just pretend that it's something else if you really don't like it! 
> 
> ok the last chapter might be the longest since it's supposed to be in the future!! So it might take some time, differnly not too long lol.


End file.
